Developing countries like Bangladesh should concentrate more on industrial development, instead of agriculture, to achieve better development. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
Developing countries have great potential to accelerate their progress, and they want to achieve it faster, even if it means that they need to shift their economic focus. Though it is not accepted by all that a country can develop if it focuses on expanding industries rather than agriculture, I personally believe that a developing country like Bangladesh should have a well-conceived industrialisation strategy like Japan, China or Hong Kong to become a developed country.
Agriculture, undeniably, is an important sector for a country like Bangladesh where more than 70% of people rely on it. However, agriculture alone cannot enlist a country as an advanced nation in this modern era. The Industrial Revolution has taught us that manual labour and agricultural products cannot singly improve the economic condition of a nation, and a country must have an export-oriented industry or great industrial hub to progress quickly. For instance, a poor country has to export several hundred tonnes of grains to import only a few numbers of modern machinery. This disparity will keep on enhancing if the nation cannot become industrially sufficient. Asian economy has already shifted from farming and fishing to industrialisation and no developing country can further progress without following the same pathway, as the research suggests. While agricultural development should not be ignored, especially in countries like Bangladesh, industrialisation should get more priority. Diversifying agricultural products and exports is a great power for an agricultural-based country, but this takes a long way to reach the top, and with the revolution and rapid expansion of the industrial world, this has become quite challenging. To conclude, an agriculture-dependent country like Bangladesh should try to diversify its agricultural sector to become self-sufficient in its food supply but must have a long-term industrial strategy to progress and become a developed nation.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify progress reference Original: they want to achieve it faster Suggested revision: they want to accelerate this progress Why it matters: The explicit noun removes the vague pronoun reference and avoids repeating “faster.”
- 2. Use natural concession clause Original: Though it is not accepted by all that Suggested revision: Although not everyone accepts that Why it matters: The active clause states the concession directly and naturally.
- 3. Compare equivalent strategies Original: strategy like Japan, China or Hong Kong Suggested revision: strategy like those of Japan, China or Hong Kong Why it matters: The comparison must be between Bangladesh's strategy and the strategies of the named economies.
- 4. Use development verb Original: enlist a country as an advanced nation Suggested revision: make a country an advanced nation Why it matters: “Enlist” means recruit and cannot describe national development.
- 5. Place alone naturally Original: cannot singly improve Suggested revision: cannot improve alone Why it matters: “Alone” follows the verb phrase naturally when meaning without other sectors.
- 6. Add article and modifier Original: or great industrial hub Suggested revision: or a major industrial hub Why it matters: The singular countable noun needs an article, and “major” describes scale naturally.
- 7. Use uncountable grain Original: grains Suggested revision: grain Why it matters: “Grain” is uncountable when referring to the commodity generally.
- 8. Use machinery counter Original: numbers Suggested revision: pieces Why it matters: “Machinery” is uncountable and is counted with “pieces.”
- 9. Use disparity growth phrase Original: keep on enhancing Suggested revision: continue to grow Why it matters: A disparity grows or widens; it does not enhance itself.
- 10. Use self-sufficiency term Original: industrially sufficient Suggested revision: industrially self-sufficient Why it matters: “Self-sufficient” means able to meet one's own industrial needs.
- 11. Use plural regional economies Original: Asian economy has Suggested revision: Asian economies have Why it matters: Asia contains multiple national economies, requiring a plural subject and verb.
- 12. Place adverb after verb Original: can further progress Suggested revision: can progress further Why it matters: “Further” naturally follows the verb when describing additional progress.
Suggested Rewrites
- they want to achieve it faster they want to accelerate this progress
- Though it is not accepted by all that Although not everyone accepts that
- strategy like Japan, China or Hong Kong strategy like those of Japan, China or Hong Kong
- enlist a country as an advanced nation make a country an advanced nation
- cannot singly improve cannot improve alone
- or great industrial hub or a major industrial hub
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response maintains a clear, nuanced position that industrial development should take priority while agriculture remains important, and it supports this with a sustained economic argument. Its main limitation is repeated awkward or imprecise phrasing, alongside an overextended body paragraph that blurs the progression between points. The highest-priority improvement is to divide the reasoning into distinct stages and replace broad claims with more precise, well-supported comparisons.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly answers the question with a consistent qualified agreement and develops relevant economic reasons in support.
Strengthen the argument by supporting broad claims about Asian development with a precise example or clearly explained evidence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The position and reasoning progress logically overall, but the very long central paragraph compresses several distinct ideas together.
Separate the trade argument, regional development claim, and agricultural qualification into focused paragraphs with clearer internal progression.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and topic-appropriate, though recurrent awkward collocations and imprecise expressions limit control.
Replace phrases such as “enlist a country,” “a few numbers of machinery,” and “get more priority” with natural, exact alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of complex structures is generally controlled, with occasional article, agreement, and construction errors that do not impede meaning.
Proofread noun phrases and relative clauses carefully, especially singular-plural agreement and article use in generalisations.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Developing countries like Bangladesh should concentrate more on industrial development, instead of agriculture, to achieve better development. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.