Popular events like the football world cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
First of all, the World Cup, Olympics and other international games work for easing tensions among different nations. For example, South and North Korea have football games regularly which give two nations a chance to understand each other deeply. In the mid 1990s, a hundreds of North Korean supporters came to South Korea with the footballers and they were very excited during the sporting events. Even if it sounds ridiculous, many South Koreans were quite surprised at that moment when North Koreans shouted and cried during the match. We all realized that they were very normal sports fans even though they were occasionally very secretive. Through the sports, two divided nations could reduce their political and ideological tensions and could feel the patriotic unity.
On the other hand, some sports matches can make international relations worse. For instance, football or baseball games between Korea and Japan are always big matches in two countries where full of tensions overflow. Sometimes, after the matches, the two rivals blame each other and their patriotic emotions explode in an aggressive way. Even much worse scenario is that the troubles caused by losing games affect the players directly.
In conclusion, I think that international sporting occasions can be one of the good ways to ease tensions or to release patriotism safely. However, I believe that games can not be the fundamental ways for the sound patriotism or peaceful international relations.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add definite article Original: Olympics Suggested revision: the Olympics Why it matters: The name of this international event conventionally takes 'the'.
- 2. Use natural verb phrase Original: work for easing Suggested revision: help to ease Why it matters: 'Help to ease tensions' is the natural collocation for this meaning.
- 3. Improve collocation Original: have football games regularly Suggested revision: regularly play football matches Why it matters: Teams or countries 'play matches' rather than 'have games' in this context.
- 4. Add definite article Original: which give two nations Suggested revision: which give the two nations Why it matters: The sentence refers to the two specific nations already named.
- 5. Use natural comparison Original: deeply Suggested revision: better Why it matters: 'Understand each other better' is the usual expression for improved mutual understanding.
- 6. Remove incorrect article Original: a hundreds of Suggested revision: hundreds of Why it matters: The plural quantity expression 'hundreds of' does not take 'a'.
- 7. Use accurate concession Original: Even if it sounds ridiculous Suggested revision: Although it may sound surprising Why it matters: 'Although' introduces the stated concession, while 'even if' suggests a hypothetical condition.
- 8. Remove redundant phrase Original: surprised at that moment when Suggested revision: surprised when Why it matters: 'When' alone correctly introduces the event that caused the surprise.
- 9. Use precise adjective Original: very normal sports fans Suggested revision: ordinary sports fans Why it matters: 'Ordinary' is more natural than grading 'normal' with 'very' here.
- 10. Use uncountable form Original: Through the sports Suggested revision: Through sport Why it matters: Use uncountable 'sport' when referring to sporting activity in general.
- 11. Add definite article Original: two divided nations Suggested revision: the two divided nations Why it matters: The phrase refers to the two specific countries already discussed.
- 12. Use natural expression Original: could feel the patriotic unity Suggested revision: could feel a sense of patriotic unity Why it matters: 'A sense of unity' is the natural collocation for this feeling.
Suggested Rewrites
- Olympics the Olympics
- work for easing help to ease
- have football games regularly regularly play football matches
- which give two nations which give the two nations
- deeply better
- a hundreds of hundreds of
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response uses a well-developed Korea example to show how sporting events can ease tensions, and its qualified conclusion presents a clear view. The opposing argument is much less developed, while the essay is slightly under length and contains several awkward expressions. Add a brief opening position and expand the negative case with fuller explanation before refining articles, agreement, and sentence construction.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response presents a clear qualified position and discusses both beneficial and harmful effects, but the negative case is comparatively brief and the response falls slightly short of the expected length.
State the position at the outset and develop the opposing case with a fuller explanation of how rivalry can worsen relations.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through two contrasting body paragraphs and a conclusion, though the opening context and some internal links are limited.
Add a concise introduction and make the relationship between each example, its explanation, and the central claim more explicit.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficient range of topic vocabulary, including political and ideological tensions, but several collocations and formulations are awkward.
Use more natural combinations for patriotism, international relations, and rivalry, and avoid expressions such as where full of tensions overflow.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response includes varied complex structures, but recurring errors with articles, number, relative clauses, and sentence formation reduce accuracy.
Check noun phrases and clause structures carefully, especially plural forms, article choice, and sentences built with where.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Popular events like the football world cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.