It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
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Sample Response
It is argued that school-age childrenchildren in the age of schooling should place more emphasis on learning the history of the place where they live than global historythe global history. While I agree that learning about local historyfinding the local history will help them gain more knowledge of their origin, I believe that there are some benefits of learning about world historyaccessing the world history.
On the one hand, it is true that teaching children about local historyteaching children understanding of the local history helps promote a sensehelps them promote a sense of patriotism. In fact, all Vietnamese peoplethe whole Vietnamese sufferedhad suffered numerous traumastrauma during the war against Western enemies, just because thousands of VietnameseVietnam heroes sacrificed their liveslive to protect the independence and freedom. Therefore, they have a dutythey have to a duty to strengthen their nationalismincrease the nationalism by preserving the peacein the preservation of the peace that they are enjoying. Furthermore, nowadays more young people are reluctant to studying history compared to epochal significance. This means that the value of historical events will be put aside to some extent and gradually sink into oblivion, hence it is vital that children should learn about the past of their ancestorslearn the past of ancestors and predecessors.
On the other hand, studying world historystudying history in the world brings numerous benefits to young learners. Firstly, obtaining knowledge from the world broadens their horizonsenhances our horizons of human civilisation and developmentthe civilization and developments of humans. In an era of globalisationDuring the globalization, more children are likely to access international education, so they face misunderstandings and difficultiesface misunderstanding and backwardness when moving to a new country if they fail to recognize the importance of human history. In addition, attaining cultural literacy on a world scale is another advantage. Human beings, unlike other species, have the gift of language, that is, symbolic thinking and communication, so communicating intelligently in any language, requires that we share a common fund of knowledge, information, vocabulary, and conceptual tools to become global citizens.
In conclusion, I hold my firm belief that by learning history at a local and international level in educational system, future generations will get deeper insights into the past human dignity.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response offers a clear two-sided structure and relevant reasons for studying both local and world history, with the discussion of patriotism and cultural literacy providing useful substance. Its main limitation is that the degree of agreement remains only partly defined, while frequent awkward word choices and grammatical errors sometimes blur otherwise relevant points. Prioritise stating a precise comparative position and expressing each supporting idea in simpler, more accurate sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both local and world history with relevant reasons, but its exact degree of agreement is not consistently clarified.
State explicitly whether local history is more important and make each body paragraph support that comparative judgement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress through a clear introduction, two thematic body paragraphs, and a conclusion, although some internal links are strained.
Use shorter idea sequences and ensure each linking expression accurately reflects the relationship between claims.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a broad academic vocabulary, but frequent spelling, word-form, and collocation errors reduce precision.
Prioritise accurate common collocations such as broaden horizons and study local history before adding less familiar expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures is attempted, but recurring article, agreement, preposition, and clause errors affect clarity.
Edit each sentence for one complete grammatical structure, with particular attention to articles, verb patterns, and noun forms.