It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is argued that children in the age of schooling should place more emphasis on learning the history of the place where they live than the global history. While I agree that finding the local history will help them gain more knowledge of their origin, I believe that there are some benefits of accessing the world history.
On the one hand, it is true that teaching children understanding of the local history helps them promote a sense of patriotism. In fact, the whole Vietnamese had suffered numerous strauma during the war against Western enemies, just because thousands of Vietnam heroes sacrificed their live to protect the independence and freedom. Therefore, they have to a duty to increase the nationalism in the preservation of the peace that they are enjoying. Furthermore, nowadays more young people are reluctant to studying history compared to epochal significance. This means that the value of historical events will be put aside to some extent and gradually sink into oblivion, hence it is vital that children should learn the past of ancestors and predecessors.
On the other hand, studying history in the world brings numerous benefits to young learners. Firstly, obtaining knowledge from the world enhances our horizons of the civilization and developments of humans. During the globalization, more children are likely to access international education, so they face misunderstanding and backwardness when moving to a new country if they fail to recognize the importance of human history. In addition, attaining cultural literacy on a world scale is another advantage. Human beings, unlike other species, have the gift of language, that is, symbolic thinking and communication, so communicating intelligently in any language, requires that we share a common fund of knowledge, information, vocabulary, and conceptual tools to become global citizens.
In conclusion, I hold my firm belief that by learning history at a local and international level in educational system, future generations will get deeper insights into the past human dignity.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: children in the age of schooling Suggested revision: school-age children Why it matters: This is the standard concise term for children who attend school.
- 2. Remove the article Original: the global history Suggested revision: global history Why it matters: History in this general sense does not take the definite article.
- 3. Correct the collocation Original: finding the local history Suggested revision: learning about local history Why it matters: People learn about history rather than find it in this context.
- 4. Correct the collocation Original: accessing the world history Suggested revision: learning about world history Why it matters: Accessing is not the natural verb for acquiring historical knowledge.
- 5. Fix the verb pattern Original: teaching children understanding of the local history Suggested revision: teaching children about local history Why it matters: Teach someone about something is the appropriate grammatical pattern here.
- 6. Clarify the object Original: helps them promote a sense Suggested revision: helps promote a sense Why it matters: The pronoun incorrectly makes the children the agents promoting patriotism.
- 7. Name the people clearly Original: the whole Vietnamese Suggested revision: all Vietnamese people Why it matters: Vietnamese needs a noun or a collective construction when referring to the population.
- 8. Use simple past Original: had suffered Suggested revision: suffered Why it matters: Past perfect is unnecessary because no later past reference point is established.
- 9. Correct the spelling Original: strauma Suggested revision: trauma Why it matters: The noun trauma is misspelled.
- 10. Use adjective form Original: Vietnam Suggested revision: Vietnamese Why it matters: Vietnamese is the adjective needed to describe the heroes.
- 11. Use plural noun Original: live Suggested revision: lives Why it matters: The plural possessive context requires the noun lives.
- 12. Remove extra word Original: they have to a duty Suggested revision: they have a duty Why it matters: Have a duty does not take to before the article.
Suggested Rewrites
- children in the age of schooling school-age children
- the global history global history
- finding the local history learning about local history
- accessing the world history learning about world history
- teaching children understanding of the local history teaching children about local history
- helps them promote a sense helps promote a sense
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response offers a clear two-sided structure and relevant reasons for studying both local and world history, with the discussion of patriotism and cultural literacy providing useful substance. Its main limitation is that the degree of agreement remains only partly defined, while frequent awkward word choices and grammatical errors sometimes blur otherwise relevant points. Prioritise stating a precise comparative position and expressing each supporting idea in simpler, more accurate sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both local and world history with relevant reasons, but its exact degree of agreement is not consistently clarified.
State explicitly whether local history is more important and make each body paragraph support that comparative judgement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress through a clear introduction, two thematic body paragraphs, and a conclusion, although some internal links are strained.
Use shorter idea sequences and ensure each linking expression accurately reflects the relationship between claims.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a broad academic vocabulary, but frequent spelling, word-form, and collocation errors reduce precision.
Prioritise accurate common collocations such as broaden horizons and study local history before adding less familiar expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures is attempted, but recurring article, agreement, preposition, and clause errors affect clarity.
Edit each sentence for one complete grammatical structure, with particular attention to articles, verb patterns, and noun forms.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.