It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
This response is estimated at Band 7.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
Teaching history to schoolchildren has been a widely debated topicheated topic for many yearsover the years. There is a common belief that local history is more important for children to learnmore important to children than world history. There are, however, compelling reasons why such a belief is flawed.
The notion that local history is more valuable than world history should be rejected. Some people may claim that insights into local historylocal historical values are completely sufficient for one to know. Their claim could have been true a few decades ago when most interpersonal communication occurred between peoplemost interpersonal communications were between people of the same nationality and cultural backgroundrace and origin. This view, nevertheless, is now outdated as the world has become globalised and international business and migrant workers have turned communities into global villageshave made any community a global village. In this context, an understanding of a foreign country’s history would enable local children in their future careersfuture local workers to strengthen their relationships with expatriatesreinforce the relationship between them and the expatriates from that country.
In addition to this, children would benefit most whenbenefit the most only when the learning of local history is taught alongsideis placed parallel to that of world history. To understand a local historical event, children should put the regional and sometimes even world context in that historical era into consideration. For example, children should understandacknowledge that the event in which Vietnam regained its independence after defeating the Japanese troops in Indochina in 1945 occurred only afteronly happened after a series of relevant events in World War II, one of which was Japan’s surrenderone of which is the surrender of Japan to the Allies. FromWith this perspective, children would understand history more deeply and thoroughly.
In summary, the study of local history should always be parallel to that of world history. This practice would guarantee that children learn history more comprehensively and are able to strengthen their bondsbe able to tighten the bond with migrant workers in their country.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response takes a clear position, develops two distinct reasons, and uses a concrete historical example to show why local events need a wider context. Its main limitation is that several sophisticated phrases are awkward or insufficiently precise, especially in the discussion of globalisation and expatriates. The highest-priority improvement is to simplify those formulations and make each claimed benefit more directly connected to history education.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The prompt is fully addressed through a consistent disagreement supported by two developed and relevant lines of reasoning.
Make the connection between learning foreign history and building relationships with expatriates more explicit and convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically from its position to two complementary arguments, with clear paragraphing and effective referencing.
Strengthen the bridge between the globalisation argument and the educational benefit it is intended to demonstrate.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a broad academic vocabulary, but recurring awkward collocations reduce precision and naturalness.
Replace constructions such as ‘placed parallel to’ and ‘reinforce the relationship’ with simpler, idiomatic alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are frequent and usually clear, although errors in agreement, reference, and tense recur in longer sentences.
Review coordination and tense consistency, particularly in clauses such as ‘children learn ... and be able’ and ‘one of which is’.