It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Teaching history to schoolchildren has been a heated topic over the years. There is a common belief that local history is more important to children than world history. There are, however, compelling reasons why such a belief is flawed.
The notion that local history is more valuable than world history should be rejected. Some people may claim that insights into local historical values are completely sufficient for one to know. Their claim could have been true a few decades ago when most interpersonal communications were between people of the same race and origin. This view, nevertheless, is now outdated as the world has become globalised and international business and migrant workers have made any community a global village. In this context, an understanding of a foreign country’s history would enable future local workers to reinforce the relationship between them and the expatriates from that country.
In addition to this, children would benefit the most only when the learning of local history is placed parallel to that of world history. To understand a local historical event, children should put the regional and sometimes even world context in that historical era into consideration. For example, children should acknowledge that the event in which Vietnam regained its independence after defeating the Japanese troops in Indochina in 1945 only happened after a series of relevant events in World War II, one of which is the surrender of Japan to the Allies. With this perspective, children would understand history more deeply and thoroughly.
In summary, the study of local history should always be parallel to that of world history. This practice would guarantee that children learn history more comprehensively and be able to tighten the bond with migrant workers in their country.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use academic phrasing Original: heated topic Suggested revision: widely debated topic Why it matters: ‘Widely debated topic’ is more precise and appropriately formal here.
- 2. Use accurate term Original: local historical values Suggested revision: local history Why it matters: ‘Historical values’ refers to principles or significance rather than the body of historical knowledge meant here.
- 3. Use uncountable noun Original: most interpersonal communications were between people Suggested revision: most interpersonal communication occurred between people Why it matters: ‘Communication’ is normally uncountable when referring generally to human interaction.
- 4. Improve metaphor phrasing Original: have made any community a global village Suggested revision: have turned communities into global villages Why it matters: The revision uses the transformation pattern more naturally and avoids the awkward use of ‘any community’.
- 5. Clarify pronoun reference Original: reinforce the relationship between them and the expatriates Suggested revision: strengthen their relationships with expatriates Why it matters: The revision removes the unclear pronoun ‘them’ and uses the natural collocation ‘strengthen relationships’.
- 6. Remove redundant modifiers Original: benefit the most only when Suggested revision: benefit most when Why it matters: Using both ‘the most’ and ‘only’ makes the condition unnecessarily redundant.
- 7. Use teaching collocation Original: is placed parallel to Suggested revision: is taught alongside Why it matters: Subjects are naturally described as being taught alongside one another.
- 8. Choose precise verb Original: acknowledge Suggested revision: understand Why it matters: ‘Understand’ better describes learning how the event relates to its wider context.
- 9. Keep past tense consistent Original: one of which is the surrender of Japan Suggested revision: one of which was Japan’s surrender Why it matters: The historical event requires past tense, and the possessive construction is more natural.
- 10. Fix parallel structure Original: be able to tighten the bond Suggested revision: are able to strengthen their bonds Why it matters: ‘Are able’ is parallel with ‘learn’, while ‘strengthen their bonds’ is the natural collocation.
- 11. Use precise duration Original: over the years Suggested revision: for many years Why it matters: The revision expresses the continuing time period more directly.
- 12. Clarify importance structure Original: more important to children Suggested revision: more important for children to learn Why it matters: The revised structure makes the learning activity governed by ‘important’ explicit.
Suggested Rewrites
- heated topic widely debated topic
- local historical values local history
- most interpersonal communications were between people most interpersonal communication occurred between people
- have made any community a global village have turned communities into global villages
- reinforce the relationship between them and the expatriates strengthen their relationships with expatriates
- benefit the most only when benefit most when
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response takes a clear position, develops two distinct reasons, and uses a concrete historical example to show why local events need a wider context. Its main limitation is that several sophisticated phrases are awkward or insufficiently precise, especially in the discussion of globalisation and expatriates. The highest-priority improvement is to simplify those formulations and make each claimed benefit more directly connected to history education.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The prompt is fully addressed through a consistent disagreement supported by two developed and relevant lines of reasoning.
Make the connection between learning foreign history and building relationships with expatriates more explicit and convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically from its position to two complementary arguments, with clear paragraphing and effective referencing.
Strengthen the bridge between the globalisation argument and the educational benefit it is intended to demonstrate.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a broad academic vocabulary, but recurring awkward collocations reduce precision and naturalness.
Replace constructions such as ‘placed parallel to’ and ‘reinforce the relationship’ with simpler, idiomatic alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are frequent and usually clear, although errors in agreement, reference, and tense recur in longer sentences.
Review coordination and tense consistency, particularly in clauses such as ‘children learn ... and be able’ and ‘one of which is’.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.