One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
[Disdvantages outweigh advantages] With the advancement of medical care, people are now living longer than ever before. The increased life expectancy comes with its advantages and disadvantages. In this essay, I will outline both the merits and drawbacks of this and argue that the disadvantages of increased life expectancy outweigh the advantages.
One of the advantages of increased life expectancy is that people have more time to pursue their goals and make a positive impact on the world, whether it is through their work, volunteering, or other forms of contribution. Additionally, increased life expectancy can lead to greater economic productivity as older adults continue to work and contribute to the workforce.
However, there are many disadvantages to this phenomenon as well. One of the main disadvantages of living longer is the burden on the economy. As people live longer, there is an increase in the number of people who require medical care and social services, which puts a strain on government budgets. The cost of providing healthcare, pension benefits, and other services to an ageing population is considerable, and it can result in reduced funding for other areas such as education, infrastructure, and defence.
Another significant disadvantage of increased life expectancy is the negative impact on the environment. Longer life spans lead to greater consumption of resources and energy, which contribute to environmental problems such as climate change, pollution, and deforestation. As people live longer, they consume more resources, produce more waste, and contribute more to greenhouse gas emissions, which can have catastrophic effects on the planet.
To conclude, while it is undoubtedly beneficial that medical care has improved to the point where people can live longer, the negative consequences of this development are significant. The burden on the economy, the negative impact on the environment, and the social and cultural problems all demonstrate that the disadvantages of increased life expectancy outweigh the advantages.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove the planning note Original: [Disdvantages outweigh advantages] Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The bracketed planning label is not part of the essay and should not appear in the submitted response.
- 2. Use natural phrasing Original: With the advancement of medical care Suggested revision: With advances in medical care Why it matters: Advances in medical care is the more natural expression for multiple improvements.
- 3. Remove the article Original: The increased life expectancy Suggested revision: Increased life expectancy Why it matters: Life expectancy is used as a general uncountable concept here and does not need the definite article.
- 4. Clarify the reference Original: merits and drawbacks of this Suggested revision: merits and drawbacks of increased longevity Why it matters: Naming increased longevity removes the vague pronoun reference.
- 5. Avoid repetition Original: work and contribute to the workforce Suggested revision: work and contribute economically Why it matters: The revision avoids repeating work and workforce while preserving the economic point.
- 6. Name the subject Original: to this phenomenon as well Suggested revision: to increased longevity Why it matters: The specific noun phrase is clearer than this phenomenon and makes as well unnecessary.
- 7. Make the clause concise Original: there is an increase in the number of people who require Suggested revision: more people require Why it matters: The direct clause removes a wordy existential construction.
- 8. Use a direct verb Original: contribute more to greenhouse gas emissions Suggested revision: generate more greenhouse gas emissions Why it matters: Generate states the relationship between people and emissions more directly.
- 9. Use measured language Original: catastrophic Suggested revision: serious Why it matters: Serious conveys the claimed harm without an unsupported extreme.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: Longer life spans lead to greater consumption of resources and energy, which contribute to environmental problems such as climate change, pollution, and deforestation. Suggested revision: Longer life spans lead to greater resource and energy consumption, which contributes to environmental problems such as climate change, pollution, and deforestation. Why it matters: The rewrite makes consumption the clear singular antecedent of contributes.
- 11. Reduce repeated reasoning Suggested revision: State the resource-consumption link once, then move directly to the existing consequences of waste and greenhouse gas emissions. Why it matters: The paragraph repeats the claim that longer lives consume more resources before advancing to its consequences.
Suggested Rewrites
- [Disdvantages outweigh advantages] Delete
- With the advancement of medical care With advances in medical care
- The increased life expectancy Increased life expectancy
- merits and drawbacks of this merits and drawbacks of increased longevity
- work and contribute to the workforce work and contribute economically
- to this phenomenon as well to increased longevity
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response maintains a clear position and develops the economic and environmental disadvantages in a logical, readable way. Its main limitation is uneven support: the advantages are asserted briefly, while the conclusion introduces social and cultural problems that were not discussed. The highest-priority improvement is to deepen the weaker side with a specific explanation or example and ensure the conclusion summarizes only established ideas.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay answers the comparative question with a consistent position and relevant ideas, although the advantages receive limited development and the conclusion adds an unsupported point.
Develop the advantages with fuller reasoning or a concrete example, and remove any claim from the conclusion that was not discussed in the body.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically through a clear paragraph structure, with cohesive devices generally used effectively despite some repetition.
Use more varied referencing and reduce repeated phrases such as increased life expectancy to make connections less conspicuous.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficiently broad and generally precise vocabulary for economic and environmental effects, with occasional repetition and imprecision.
Replace repeated core terms with precise contextual references and check collocations so that wording remains natural throughout.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex sentences is handled with good control, and the few agreement or phrasing errors do not impede communication.
Proofread relative clauses and subject-verb agreement, particularly where the grammatical subject could be ambiguous.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.