One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
[Advantages outweigh disadvantages] Modern medical facilities and research in the healthcare sector have brought miracles to the world. We have cures for deadly diseases, and researchers are working with our genes to prevent diseases even before we are born - marvellous indeed! As a result, people these days live longer. This trend has both positive and negative aspects. In my opinion, longer life expectancy offers far more advantages than demerits.
Among the drawbacks of this trend, a higher life expectancy increases the ratio of senior citizens in a country and it requires a huge budget to support their healthcare and retirement. For instance, when older people constitute more than 35% of the total population in a country, its healthcare and retirement support budget increases by 60% compared to a country where the ratio of senior citizens is less than 20%. Moreover, an increasing ratio of senior citizens would mean a shrinking young workforce for a country, and that has negative consequences on national productivity and economic activities.
On the other hand, with an increasing life expectancy, people these days remain more active and contribute to society even in their old age. As the government has raised the retirement age, old people are no longer a burden, but an active workforce. To cite an example, professors, researchers, lawmakers, writers and many other professionals have vast experience and could contribute even more in their old age. Thus, when a physicist discovers a groundbreaking theory in his or her 70s, we should thank the enhanced medical research and treatment. Finally, as the number of working parents is heightening, grandparents are the last hope for young children. Older people are doing us a favour by taking most of our family burdens.
To conclude, thanks to the enhanced medical facilities for which we now live longer and be part of the progress. This enhanced life expectancy is a blessing for the human race despite some drawbacks. So I wholeheartedly believe that the trend of enhanced life expectancy due to medical advancement has more merits than drawbacks.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove planning label Original: [Advantages outweigh disadvantages] Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The bracketed planning note is not part of the essay and interrupts the opening.
- 2. Match comparison term Original: demerits Suggested revision: disadvantages Why it matters: Using disadvantages creates a consistent comparison with advantages.
- 3. Use population proportion Original: ratio Suggested revision: proportion Why it matters: Proportion is the appropriate term for a group's share of a population.
- 4. Remove redundant country phrase Original: a shrinking young workforce for a country Suggested revision: a shrinking young workforce Why it matters: The national context is already clear, so the final phrase is unnecessary.
- 5. Fix consequence preposition Original: on Suggested revision: for Why it matters: Consequences takes for when naming the area affected.
- 6. Use uncountable activity Original: activities Suggested revision: activity Why it matters: Economic activity is normally uncountable when referring to the economy generally.
- 7. Clarify causal clause Original: with an increasing life expectancy Suggested revision: as life expectancy increases Why it matters: The finite clause expresses the relationship more directly.
- 8. Generalise government reference Original: the government has raised Suggested revision: governments have raised Why it matters: The essay makes a general international claim, so a plural subject is required.
- 9. Use neutral age term Original: old Suggested revision: older Why it matters: Older people is the natural neutral expression in this context.
- 10. Fix workforce complement Original: a burden, but an active workforce Suggested revision: a burden but part of the active workforce Why it matters: People can form part of a workforce, and the paired complement does not require a comma.
- 11. Use present modal Original: could Suggested revision: can Why it matters: The general present claim requires can rather than the unsupported conditional could.
- 12. Use medical advances Original: the enhanced medical research and treatment Suggested revision: advances in medical research and treatment Why it matters: Advances in is the natural expression for improvements in research and treatment.
Suggested Rewrites
- [Advantages outweigh disadvantages] Delete
- demerits disadvantages
- ratio proportion
- a shrinking young workforce for a country a shrinking young workforce
- on for
- activities activity
Why this response received Band 7.5
The essay maintains a clear outweigh position, addresses fiscal and workforce drawbacks, and develops several social and economic benefits through relevant examples in a logical structure. Its main limitation is that the comparison between benefits and costs is more asserted than explicitly weighed, while some awkward collocations and grammatical lapses reduce polish. Prioritise a direct comparative judgment and refine the language around ageing populations, employment, childcare, and medical progress.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both disadvantages and advantages are substantially developed and the position remains clear, with relevant examples of older people's contributions.
Explicitly compare the scale and duration of social contributions with healthcare, pension, and workforce costs to justify the outweigh judgment.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically through a clear introduction, drawbacks, advantages, and conclusion, with effective paragraphing and linking.
Connect the grandparents example more directly to the preceding economic argument so the benefits paragraph feels fully unified.
Lexical Resource
A broad vocabulary conveys demographic, fiscal, and social ideas effectively, though several collocations such as ratio of senior citizens and is heightening are unnatural.
Use ageing population, proportion of older people, rising number of working parents, and sharing family responsibilities.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is generally well controlled, but occasional agreement, reference, tense, and clause-completion errors remain.
Rewrite the incomplete conclusion opening as Thanks to improved medical care, we can live longer and continue contributing to society.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
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