Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life. Which do you consider to be the major influence?
Sample Response
It is an undeniable fact that some people are god gifted and possess skills which sometime become hard for us to acquire. Even experts have proven that traits which we inherit from our ancestors are more powerful in developing our personality however,I believe that experience is more powerful in moulding us at different phases of life than the traits which we get from our ancestors.in this essay,I will discuss the major impact experience put on our outlook.
There are manifold reasons to support my viewpoint.first and foremost,with experience we learn varied aspects of life as a result we get to know how to survive in this complicated world.For instance,when a students go to abroad,they encountered with different situations and have many sweet and bitter experiences,which teach them a lot of life lessons.They learn how to communicate and adjust with people of diverse culture and tradition in other nation.
Secondly, when we go through any hardship of life then we know about our strengths and weeknesses and become good decision maker. To examplify, a 23 years old blind boy who was rejected for enrollment by IIT and even many times from other institutes,then he took wise decision and with his intellectual skills he opened his own big firm and become CEO of 25crore firm.
Finally, experience also make us perfect in particular field which sometime seems to us impossible.To cite an example, when we work as a naïve in any sector that time we make lot of mistakes but later on with practical work we become more efficient and perform task frequently which we find very hard in our initial days at workplace.
After analyzing aforesaid viewpoints,it has been proven experience plays vital role in our lifetime.we become more mature and more understandable with practical things only
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural adjective Original: god Suggested revision: naturally Why it matters: Naturally gifted is the standard expression for an innate ability.
- 2. Fix adverb form Original: sometime become hard Suggested revision: sometimes become difficult Why it matters: Sometimes is the required frequency adverb, and difficult is more natural here.
- 3. Use defining relative Original: which Suggested revision: that Why it matters: That is more natural in this defining relative clause.
- 4. Separate contrasting clauses Original: personality however,I believe Suggested revision: personality; however, I believe Why it matters: A semicolon and comma correctly separate the independent clauses around however.
- 5. Improve academic phrasing Original: experience is more powerful in moulding us Suggested revision: experience has a stronger influence on shaping us Why it matters: This wording expresses the comparison more naturally and precisely.
- 6. Correct sentence boundary Original: ancestors.in this essay,I Suggested revision: ancestors. In this essay, I Why it matters: The new sentence requires capitalization and a comma after its introductory phrase.
- 7. Fix clause grammar Original: major impact experience put Suggested revision: major impact that experience has Why it matters: The relative clause needs that and the correct present-tense verb.
- 8. Repair transition Original: viewpoint.first and foremost,with Suggested revision: viewpoint. First and foremost, through Why it matters: This correction creates a proper sentence boundary and a grammatical transition into the reason.
- 9. Separate linked clauses Original: life as a result Suggested revision: life; as a result, Why it matters: The result clause needs a clear boundary and a comma after the linker.
- 10. Fix agreement Original: a students go Suggested revision: a student goes Why it matters: The singular article requires a singular noun and verb.
- 11. Fix tense and preposition Original: they encountered with Suggested revision: they encounter Why it matters: The general example needs present tense, and encounter does not take with.
- 12. Use correct plurals Original: people of diverse culture and tradition Suggested revision: people from diverse cultures and traditions Why it matters: From is the natural preposition, and both countable nouns require plural forms.
Suggested Rewrites
- god naturally
- sometime become hard sometimes become difficult
- which that
- personality however,I believe personality; however, I believe
- experience is more powerful in moulding us experience has a stronger influence on shaping us
- ancestors.in this essay,I ancestors. In this essay, I
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response is strongest in maintaining a clear view that experience is the greater influence and supporting it with several distinct situations. Its main limitation is that frequent grammatical, spelling, and collocational errors make many sentences awkward, while some examples are asserted more than explained. The highest-priority improvement is to build each reason through a precise explanation and then proofread systematically for sentence boundaries, agreement, articles, and verb forms.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers the question with a clear position and several relevant reasons, although development is sometimes general or unconvincing.
Explain more explicitly how each example proves that experience outweighs inherited characteristics rather than merely describing an experience.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear overall progression and appropriate paragraphing, but linking is mechanical and punctuation often weakens sentence flow.
Use fewer formulaic sequencing phrases and separate or punctuate ideas carefully so relationships within sentences are immediately clear.
Lexical Resource
There is an adequate range of topic vocabulary and some attempts at less common language, but spelling and collocation errors are frequent.
Prioritize accurate common collocations, such as “study abroad” and “make a decision,” before adding more ambitious vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The writer attempts varied and complex structures, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, verb forms, plurals, and capitalization reduce control.
Proofread each sentence for a complete clause and consistent subject-verb agreement, then correct articles and singular-plural forms.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life. Which do you consider to be the major influence?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.