The world is experiencing a dramatic increase in population. This is causing problems not only for the poor in undeveloped countries but also for industrialised and developing nations. Describe some of the problems that overpopulation causes, and suggest at least one possible solution.
Sample Response
Our world is experimenting massive increase in population and thereby not only well-developed countries suffer from this overpopulation. Despite governments are trying to solve this issue, population increases year by year. This causes huge problems in all of the countries like scarcity of foods, unemployment, crowded cities, increased crime and so on. Educating people would be the best possible solution to tackle this problem.
The most common problem of overpopulation is that people cannot find jobs. Thereby, people cannot get the opportunity to work, because that country is overflooded with population and there is the scarcity of employment. And, also, crowded cities are not attractive and there persists a lot of noise that is very annoying. For this reason, this may lead to depression in the tourism of cities. Also, increasing in the population is inversely proportional to the development level of the country. And this might have enormous effects on government politically. The food crisis, growth in crime rates, noise and air pollution, housing problem all emerge only because of the increased population.
In spite of these issues, governments have solutions to cope. Even, there are some regulations that are dedicated to solve this problem. For instance, overpopulated countries have such legislation which prohibits 2 and more children per family. Educating people and building an educated nation is the only solution to this heinous problem. Until the citizens become educated and understand the effects of having more family members in their family and in the country, other measures that the government take would be valueless.
In conclusion, the countries who are suffering from this problem should take proper initiative and measurement for solutions to fight against it. And politics and the government have vital roles to play on this occasion along with the awareness among the citizens.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Wrong verb Original: is experimenting massive increase Suggested revision: is experiencing a massive increase Why it matters: Experiencing is the correct verb for this meaning.
- 2. Fix despite clause Original: Despite governments are trying Suggested revision: Although governments are trying Why it matters: Despite cannot be followed by a full finite clause in this form.
- 3. Uncountable noun Original: scarcity of foods Suggested revision: scarcity of food Why it matters: Food is usually uncountable in this general phrase.
- 4. Wrong collocation Original: overflooded with population Suggested revision: overpopulated Why it matters: Overpopulated is the natural adjective.
- 5. Remove article Original: there is the scarcity of employment Suggested revision: there is a scarcity of employment Why it matters: Use a for this singular noun phrase.
- 6. Avoid starting with and Original: And, also, crowded cities Suggested revision: In addition, crowded cities Why it matters: This is a smoother formal transition.
- 7. Clarify meaning Original: depression in the tourism of cities Suggested revision: a decline in urban tourism Why it matters: The original phrase is unnatural.
- 8. Correct noun phrase Original: increasing in the population Suggested revision: an increase in population Why it matters: The phrase needs a noun form.
- 9. Formal transition Original: And this might have enormous effects Suggested revision: This might also have serious effects Why it matters: This removes the informal sentence start and improves flow.
- 10. Complete phrase Original: governments have solutions to cope Suggested revision: governments have solutions to cope with it Why it matters: Cope needs with plus an object.
- 11. Verb pattern Original: dedicated to solve this problem Suggested revision: designed to solve this problem Why it matters: Designed to is the correct structure here.
- 12. Tone control Original: heinous problem Suggested revision: serious problem Why it matters: Heinous is too emotional and usually describes crimes.
Suggested Rewrites
- is experimenting massive increase is experiencing a massive increase
- Despite governments are trying Although governments are trying
- scarcity of foods scarcity of food
- overflooded with population overpopulated
- there is the scarcity of employment there is a scarcity of employment
- And, also, crowded cities In addition, crowded cities
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay addresses problems caused by overpopulation and suggests education as the main solution. Coverage is relevant but broad, with several problems listed rather than developed, and the solution is repeated without much practical detail.
Choose two major problems, such as unemployment and housing pressure, then explain exactly how education or family planning would reduce population growth.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is an introduction, problem paragraph, solution paragraph, and conclusion, but progression is weakened by repetition, sentence fragments, and list-like organisation. Some linking words are inaccurate.
Use topic sentences and develop one idea at a time instead of adding many problems with and, also, and so on.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary communicates the topic, but there are frequent inaccurate word choices and collocations, including experimenting, overflooded, depression in tourism, heinous, and measurement for solutions.
Learn precise population vocabulary such as rapid population growth, food shortage, unemployment, overcrowding, family planning, and public awareness.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Errors with sentence structure, clauses, articles, prepositions, and agreement are frequent. Meaning is usually understandable, but accuracy is limited.
Write shorter sentences and check clause patterns after despite, because, and until.