The world is experiencing a dramatic increase in population. This is causing problems not only for the poor in undeveloped countries but also for industrialised and developing nations. Describe some of the problems that overpopulation causes, and suggest at least one possible solution.
Sample Response
The world population is increasing day by day. Every country wants to have a resounding number of population. However, this type of arranged enhancement can damage the government because the existence of more people means the coexistence of more demanding and complex issues.
This problem concerns all the undeveloped and developed countries across the world. In undeveloped countries, the situation is worse. Because in addition to overcrowding the financial budget is not sufficient to aid people and at the same time food, healthcare, education, sanitation and other shortages are incredibly widespread. In these countries, the poor underlie the society therefore the community cannot help itself.
The condition in industrialised and developing countries does not differ in great amounts. The financial aids of the governments cannot afford society's significant part. And also in developed countries, the rich, unfortunately, are not always generous enough. Consequently, the government cannot manage to provide famine relief and accommodations for all the people who are in need of it. In this case, overpopulation causes the economics of the country to depression. And that is a thing which no countries want it. The unemployment is in its highest rate and the economic inflation made the lifestyle harder even in developed countries and overpopulation is one of the main reasons for that.
Because of that, some overpopulated countries such as China and India realise some prevention policies. The government constraints having children more than an estimated number. By this way, the government can impose some punishments for not crossing the limit of having children and can control the increasing of the population. The regulation of increasing of the population can be a solution to the overpopulation issue.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Unnatural phrase Original: a resounding number of population Suggested revision: a large population Why it matters: Use a simple natural phrase.
- 2. Wrong word choice Original: arranged enhancement Suggested revision: rapid increase Why it matters: Arranged enhancement does not fit population growth.
- 3. Sentence fragment Original: Because in addition to overcrowding Suggested revision: This is because, in addition to overcrowding, Why it matters: Do not start a fragment with because; attach it to a complete sentence.
- 4. Parallel list Original: food, healthcare, education, sanitation and other shortages Suggested revision: shortages of food, healthcare, education, sanitation, and other services Why it matters: This makes the list grammatically parallel.
- 5. Unclear phrase Original: the poor underlie the society Suggested revision: poor people form a large part of society Why it matters: The original wording is unclear and unnatural.
- 6. Unnatural phrase Original: does not differ in great amounts Suggested revision: is not very different Why it matters: Use a natural comparison.
- 7. Uncountable noun Original: financial aids Suggested revision: financial aid Why it matters: Aid is usually uncountable here.
- 8. Word order Original: society's significant part Suggested revision: a significant part of society Why it matters: Use standard noun phrase order.
- 9. Informal sentence start Original: And also in developed countries Suggested revision: Moreover, in developed countries Why it matters: Avoid beginning formal sentences with And also.
- 10. Wrong collocation Original: the economics of the country to depression Suggested revision: the country’s economy into decline Why it matters: Use economy for a country and into decline for the result.
- 11. Agreement error Original: no countries want it Suggested revision: no country wants Why it matters: No country is singular.
- 12. Article and preposition Original: The unemployment is in its highest rate Suggested revision: Unemployment is at its highest rate Why it matters: Do not use the before unemployment in this general statement.
Suggested Rewrites
- a resounding number of population a large population
- arranged enhancement rapid increase
- Because in addition to overcrowding This is because, in addition to overcrowding,
- food, healthcare, education, sanitation and other shortages shortages of food, healthcare, education, sanitation, and other services
- the poor underlie the society poor people form a large part of society
- does not differ in great amounts is not very different
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay identifies problems caused by overpopulation, including shortages, pressure on services, unemployment, inflation, and economic strain, and it suggests birth-control policies. The response addresses the task, but development is uneven and the solution is narrow and not evaluated carefully.
Add one more solution, such as education for family planning or investment in public services, and explain how it would reduce the problems described.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a recognisable structure from introduction to problems in poor and richer countries, then solution. However, cohesion is sometimes weak because sentences begin with And or Because, and some paragraphs repeat the same economic point.
Use clearer topic sentences and replace sentence fragments with complete linking sentences.
Lexical Resource
The topic vocabulary is adequate, including food, healthcare, education, sanitation, unemployment, inflation, and prevention policies. Several expressions are inaccurate or unnatural, such as arranged enhancement, underlie the society, and economics of the country to depression.
Use accurate collocations: rapid population growth, limited public budget, social pressure, economic decline, and population-control policy.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses some complex structures, but frequent article, plural, preposition, and sentence-fragment errors reduce accuracy. Meaning is mostly clear, but awkward grammar sometimes slows reading.
Check every sentence for a subject and main verb, and avoid starting fragments with because or and also.