Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Recently, there has been turmoil among the community members regarding the travelling of the professional workforce to other countries. Whilst the proponents agree that medics and engineering professionals are obliged to serve their countries, opponents argue that they have the freedom to choose where to work. In the following essay, both notions will be scrutinized, and I will show my support for the latter one.
On the one hand, despite my disagreement, a category of people discern that it is the duty of professional work sectors to serve their national services. This is because when they migrate to work in other countries, their homeland will encounter a severe brain drain. Moreover, they might face cultural shock in host countries that will consequently impede them from fulfiling their dreams. An eminent example of this is the Golf Countries which ensure thriving jobs for their natives in order to encourage them to stay in their countries. Thus, as long as skilled workers are given promising job prospects by their mother countries, they will exert their utmost efforts to stay and develop their countries.
On the other hand, opponents and I posit that citizens of any category have the right to select where to live and work according to their own preferences. To illustrate this, if medical practitioners and civil engineers suffer from poor labour conditions in their countries, they will ultimately seek higher life and work standards globally. In Egypt, for instance, a plethora of professionals migrate as they suffer from deteriorated health and infrastructure environment. Therefore, what can be said from this example is that not only do detrimental local conditions lead to brain drain, but they also lead to the suffering of the citizens.
In conclusion, after this essay has manifested the above-mentioned points, it can be reiterated that even though a proportion of people are of the belief that professionals who pursued their internship in definite countries ought to work in the same countries, I am a staunch believer that they have the right to quest for more prestigious work and life circumstances. Hence, authorities should entice their valuable workforce to stay by supporting them with prosperous opportunities.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use accurate wording Original: turmoil among the community members Suggested revision: debate within society Why it matters: “Turmoil” suggests severe disorder, while the sentence describes a public disagreement.
- 2. Use concise terminology Original: travelling of the professional workforce Suggested revision: migration of professionals Why it matters: The replacement accurately and concisely describes skilled workers moving abroad.
- 3. Remove unnecessary article Original: the proponents Suggested revision: proponents Why it matters: No previously identified group makes the definite article appropriate here.
- 4. Use parallel categories Original: medics Suggested revision: medical Why it matters: Parallel adjective forms create a more balanced description of the two professional groups.
- 5. Refer to the view Original: one Suggested revision: view Why it matters: “View” clearly identifies what “latter” refers to and is more formal than “one.”
- 6. Correct word choice Original: a category of people discern Suggested revision: some people believe Why it matters: “Discern” means perceive or distinguish and cannot express holding this opinion.
- 7. Name people directly Original: professional work sectors Suggested revision: professionals Why it matters: A sector cannot itself perform national service, so the sentence must refer to the workers.
- 8. Correct the collocation Original: serve their national services Suggested revision: serve their countries Why it matters: People serve their countries; “serve national services” is not an idiomatic construction.
- 9. Match plural reference Original: their homeland will encounter Suggested revision: their home countries will experience Why it matters: The plural form matches the professionals' potentially different countries and collocates naturally with “brain drain.”
- 10. Correct fixed phrase Original: cultural Suggested revision: culture Why it matters: The established English expression is “culture shock.”
- 11. Correct the spelling Original: fulfiling Suggested revision: fulfilling Why it matters: The verb doubles the final l before the -ing ending in this spelling convention.
- 12. Correct regional name Original: Golf Countries Suggested revision: Gulf countries Why it matters: “Gulf” is the correct regional term, and “countries” is not a proper noun here.
Suggested Rewrites
- turmoil among the community members debate within society
- travelling of the professional workforce migration of professionals
- the proponents proponents
- medics medical
- one view
- a category of people discern some people believe
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response’s strongest feature is a clear position supported by a well-organised discussion of both views and relevant consideration of brain drain and working conditions. Its main limitation is frequent over-elaborate or inaccurate word choice, which makes several claims sound unnatural and sometimes blurs the logic of examples. The highest-priority improvement is to use simpler, more precise collocations and explain how each example directly supports compulsory service or freedom of employment.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed and the writer’s preference is clear, although some supporting examples only partly substantiate the stated argument.
Show more directly why training creates an obligation to remain, and ensure each example demonstrates that specific claim.
Coherence and Cohesion
The discussion progresses logically through distinct viewpoints, and paragraphing and referencing generally support clarity.
Reduce formulaic framing and make the logical link from each example to the paragraph conclusion more explicit.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a wide range of less common vocabulary, but frequent collocational inaccuracies weaken precision and naturalness.
Prefer accurate combinations such as Gulf countries, better living standards, and employment opportunities over unnecessarily elaborate alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex structures are generally well controlled, with most errors localised and meaning consistently clear.
Polish noun phrases, agreement, and article use in complex sentences to make the expression more consistently accurate.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.