Some people say that rich nations should help poor countries with their basic needs like food and education while others oppose the idea and argue that the poor nation themselves should try to improve their condition. Do you agree with the idea that rich and developed nations should help the poor nations? Write no less than 250 words.
Sample Response
A nations’ welfare is the most crucial part of quality life for citizens in that certain country. I completely agree that the governments have an initial role to keep their citizens stay healthy and well-educated. This statement is supported by a numerous reason; governments’ basic responsibility and the governments’ authority. Firstly, it is noticeable that the basic responsibility of the government is to look after their society, especially for people living in under standard of life. Although it may be true that all of the nations should help each other, however, the governments should stand in the front line to guaranty their citizens’ life. In additions, every country in the world has their own income which is collected from many sources such as individual income tax and value added tax. Hence, the government should distribute this income in an appropriate way such as providing free educations and health facilities. Secondly, it seems that the quality of a country rely on the way the government is governing their society. To return to an earlier point that education and health are essential parts of humans’ life. Therefore, the government should give their main concentration to these terms. As they have an authority to govern their society, the have to decide a governmental decision to improve the citizens’ quality life especially in terms of education and health for poorer societies. Otherwise, the nations will not have an adequate standard of life. On in all, the care of poorer nations is the main responsibility of the government. The most crucial point made so far, although the wealthier nations should help the other voluntarily, the government are playing the significant role to solve this problem by deciding governmental decisions in terms of education and health.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix possessive form Original: A nations’ welfare Suggested revision: A nation's welfare Why it matters: Use the singular possessive form because the welfare belongs to one nation.
- 2. Complete the phrase Original: quality life Suggested revision: quality of life Why it matters: The fixed expression requires the preposition 'of'.
- 3. Remove redundancy Original: in that certain country Suggested revision: in that country Why it matters: 'That' already identifies the country, so 'certain' is redundant here.
- 4. Use generic plural Original: the governments have Suggested revision: governments have Why it matters: A plural noun used to make a general statement does not need 'the'.
- 5. Choose precise wording Original: an initial role Suggested revision: a primary role Why it matters: 'Primary role' clearly expresses that governments have the main responsibility.
- 6. Fix verb pattern Original: keep their citizens stay Suggested revision: help their citizens stay Why it matters: 'Keep' cannot be followed by an object plus the base verb 'stay' in this structure.
- 7. Fix number and punctuation Original: a numerous reason; Suggested revision: numerous reasons: Why it matters: 'Numerous' takes a plural noun, and a colon correctly introduces the two reasons.
- 8. Match the singular subject Original: look after their society Suggested revision: look after its citizens Why it matters: The singular subject 'government' needs 'its', while 'citizens' is the natural object of 'look after'.
- 9. Remove extra preposition Original: especially for people Suggested revision: especially people Why it matters: 'Especially' directly modifies 'people' after the verb phrase 'look after'.
- 10. Use natural expression Original: living in under standard of life Suggested revision: living below an acceptable standard of living Why it matters: The original prepositions and noun phrase do not form an idiomatic expression.
- 11. Avoid double contrast Original: however, Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: 'Although' already marks the contrast, so adding 'however' creates an incorrect double connector.
- 12. Fix the idiom Original: stand in the front line Suggested revision: stand on the front line Why it matters: The standard expression uses the preposition 'on'.
Suggested Rewrites
- A nations’ welfare A nation's welfare
- quality life quality of life
- in that certain country in that country
- the governments have governments have
- an initial role a primary role
- keep their citizens stay help their citizens stay
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response offers a recognizable line of reasoning about governments providing education and health care, and its main ideas remain understandable. However, it largely shifts from whether rich nations should help poor nations to the responsibilities of each poor nation's own government, leaving the stated agreement unclear and insufficiently supported. The priority is to take an explicit position on international assistance and develop two directly relevant reasons with specific explanation or examples.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response presents relevant ideas about basic services but only partially addresses whether developed nations should assist poorer ones.
State a direct position on rich-country assistance and develop each supporting reason around that precise issue.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument has a discernible introduction, sequenced points, and conclusion, but progression is mechanical and paragraphing is absent.
Separate the main ideas into clear paragraphs and use linking expressions only where the logical relationship is accurate.
Lexical Resource
There is enough topic vocabulary to communicate the argument, though frequent word-choice and collocation errors reduce precision.
Replace awkward combinations such as governmental decision and main concentration with natural, topic-specific collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of sentence forms is attempted, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, plurals, and clause construction remain noticeable.
Prioritize accurate subject-verb agreement and article use, then check that each complex sentence has a complete main clause.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that rich nations should help poor countries with their basic needs like food and education while others oppose the idea and argue that the poor nation themselves should try to improve their condition. Do you agree with the idea that rich and developed nations should help the poor nations? Write no less than 250 words.
Your response
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