Many people believe that social networking sites such as Facebook have huge negative effects on society and individuals. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
In the modern era, the world has encountered numerous growth of social networking sites users. One part of the society believes that it will have a positive impact, whereas others believe that it might be turned into detrimental effects on society. In my perception, I think that, although there are many disadvantages associated with it, yet its advantages cannot be neglected, which I shall discuss in the forthcoming paragraph.
Firstly, on the brighter side, with the advent of Facebook, it is possible for people to have remained in contact with each other. Moreover, it is possible to find any old friends via this application through its search option. For example, after Facebook account, now I have searched many of my old school friend who had an account on Facebook, and today we are in touch at every moment. Furthermore, one another imperial benefit is that any information can be quickly disseminated through facebook to every corner of the world within the fraction of seconds. As per the recent survey, many families whose kids were missing, have again received them via facebook application.
On the contrary, facebook encourages to the virtual world. Today’s youngsters not only spending tons of hours on Facebook but also they are becoming the victim of addiction. Another potential danger drawback is it renders the age-old tradition redundant. To illustrate people, nowadays wish friend or peers on through facebook instead of personal face to face wish.
In recapitulation, In my view, while there is an abundance of benefits connected with the use of facebooks socially, there is a dark side of it. It absolutely depends upon the user, in what way one utilize this application.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrase Original: perception Suggested revision: view Why it matters: In my view is the natural expression for introducing a personal opinion.
- 2. Remove double conjunction Original: yet its advantages Suggested revision: its advantages Why it matters: Although already marks the contrast, so yet is unnecessary in the same construction.
- 3. Use simple infinitive Original: to have remained in contact Suggested revision: to remain in contact Why it matters: The general present possibility requires a simple infinitive rather than a perfect infinitive.
- 4. Complete the phrase Original: after Facebook account Suggested revision: after opening a Facebook account Why it matters: The original phrase lacks the action and article needed to describe creating an account.
- 5. Use past simple Original: now I have searched Suggested revision: I found Why it matters: A completed result after opening the account is expressed naturally with the past simple.
- 6. Use plural noun Original: friend Suggested revision: friends Why it matters: Many requires a plural countable noun.
- 7. Correct word choice Original: one another imperial benefit Suggested revision: another important benefit Why it matters: Imperial does not mean important, and one another is not a valid determiner here.
- 8. Capitalize proper noun Original: facebook Suggested revision: Facebook Why it matters: Facebook is a proper noun and must be capitalized.
- 9. Fix article phrase Original: within the fraction of seconds Suggested revision: within a fraction of a second Why it matters: The idiomatic countable expression requires a and a singular second.
- 10. Repair clause structure Original: missing, have again received them via facebook application Suggested revision: missing have been reunited with them through the Facebook application Why it matters: The replacement removes the incorrect comma and uses a grammatical passive expression.
- 11. Correct verb pattern Original: facebook encourages to the virtual world Suggested revision: Facebook encourages engagement in the virtual world Why it matters: Encourage cannot directly take to the virtual world as its complement.
- 12. Add finite verb Original: spending Suggested revision: spend Why it matters: The subject needs a finite verb in the not only clause.
Suggested Rewrites
- perception view
- yet its advantages its advantages
- to have remained in contact to remain in contact
- after Facebook account after opening a Facebook account
- now I have searched I found
- friend friends
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response offers recognizable reasons on both sides and uses examples to explain several benefits of social networking. However, its answer to the agree-or-disagree question remains uncertain, the negative side is thinly developed, and frequent language errors sometimes blur meaning; the highest-priority improvement is to state one consistent position and support it with two clearly explained, directly relevant arguments.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The topic is addressed through benefits and drawbacks, but the degree of agreement is inconsistent and the negative case is underdeveloped.
State a direct degree of agreement and make each body paragraph clearly support that position.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure provides overall progression, although linking is sometimes mechanical and some connections are awkward.
Use simpler transitions and begin each body paragraph with a focused claim that the following details develop.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a reasonably broad vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate word choices and collocations reduce precision.
Prioritize accurate common expressions and revise choices such as 'imperial benefit' and 'danger drawback.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some varied sentence forms are attempted, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, verb forms, and clause construction affect clarity.
Build complete subject-verb structures and check agreement before adding more complex clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people believe that social networking sites such as Facebook have huge negative effects on society and individuals. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.