In some countries today, there is an attitude that ‘anyone can do it’ in the arts – music, literature, acting, art, etc. As a result, people with no talent become rich and famous and genuine talent is not valued or appreciated. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
In current years, the world of entertainment has become a highly fashionable trend. The belief that everyone is capable of doing any kind of thing in arts -music, literature, acting, art, and so on- has become a mainstream attitude. Undoubtedly, pure talent is no longer valued or appreciated as many untalented people become wealthy and popular. As regards this case, I personally disagree with this phenomena which I will further scrutinise the reasons along with related examples.
The first reason which I want to propose is the fact that people without any talent on arts will likely degrade the value of arts. As we acknowledge that arts are abstract concepts which require the sense of aesthetic from the inside and outer sides. I strongly believe that even they take certain education degree in arts, yet the nature of talent speaks louder than the nurtured ones. As the result, less talented artists most likely produce a burst of plain performances. A good example of this is the increasing number of instant artists entering the entertainment industry which basically solely requires their beautiful face and body as the prerequisites. Another reason is that this issue will deplete creativity which tends to create a soap opera instead of a masterpiece. We can see this in the recent phenomena when people just easily upload their wacky sensational video on YouTube to elevate their popularity. Indeed, there are no remarkable arts in it.
It is true that some scholars state that people without any initial talent can gain it through education both formal and informal courses. However, some other experts prove that no talent unlikely can compete with the genuine ones. For instance, Beyonce who is widely known as one of the most talented singers stays everlasting in her career rather than the YouTube’s instant artist who mostly fade away in a short time.
To sum up, I disagree that untalented people enter the entertainment industry as nature and nurture are mutually exclusive in many ways. I believe that pure talent must be more appreciated in a wider proportion.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural expression Original: any kind of thing in arts Suggested revision: anything in the arts Why it matters: This is the idiomatic way to refer broadly to artistic activities.
- 2. Use clear transition Original: As regards this case Suggested revision: In this regard Why it matters: This transition links the writer's view to the preceding claim more naturally.
- 3. Use singular noun Original: phenomena Suggested revision: phenomenon Why it matters: The singular determiner 'this' requires the singular noun 'phenomenon'.
- 4. Fix clause structure Original: which I will further scrutinise the reasons along with related examples Suggested revision: and I will examine the reasons with relevant examples Why it matters: The original relative clause has no valid antecedent and misuses 'scrutinise'.
- 5. Use natural collocation Original: reason which I want to propose Suggested revision: reason I want to present Why it matters: A reason is normally presented rather than proposed in this context.
- 6. Correct preposition Original: talent on arts Suggested revision: talent in the arts Why it matters: The noun 'talent' takes 'in' when followed by a field.
- 7. Refine verb choice Original: degrade the value of arts Suggested revision: diminish the value of the arts Why it matters: 'Diminish' accurately describes reducing perceived value, and 'the arts' is the standard noun phrase.
- 8. Remove fragment marker Original: As we acknowledge that Suggested revision: We acknowledge that Why it matters: Removing 'As' turns the fragment into an independent clause.
- 9. Correct noun phrase Original: the sense of aesthetic Suggested revision: an aesthetic sense Why it matters: 'Aesthetic' functions naturally as an adjective modifying 'sense'.
- 10. Clarify paired terms Original: from the inside and outer sides Suggested revision: from both internal and external perspectives Why it matters: The revision expresses the intended contrast with parallel and comprehensible terms.
- 11. Fix concessive clause Original: even they take certain education degree in arts, yet Suggested revision: even if they earn a degree in the arts, Why it matters: 'Even if' correctly introduces the condition, and 'yet' is redundant in this structure.
- 12. Use concise term Original: the nature of talent Suggested revision: natural talent Why it matters: This adjective-noun phrase expresses innate ability directly.
Suggested Rewrites
- any kind of thing in arts anything in the arts
- As regards this case In this regard
- phenomena phenomenon
- which I will further scrutinise the reasons along with related examples and I will examine the reasons with relevant examples
- reason which I want to propose reason I want to present
- talent on arts talent in the arts
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay offers relevant ideas about artistic quality, creativity, and the durability of genuine talent, supported by recognisable examples and a clear paragraph structure. Its main limitation is an internally inconsistent position: it announces disagreement, yet most of the argument supports the claim that untalented fame undermines the arts. The highest-priority improvement is to state one precise interpretation of the proposition and ensure every reason and conclusion supports it.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response discusses relevant consequences of untalented fame, but its stated disagreement conflicts with arguments that largely endorse the prompt's claim.
Define clearly whether you agree that untalented people devalue the arts, and align the thesis, body arguments, and conclusion with that position.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is organised into a logical introduction, main argument, concession, and conclusion, though some linking is formulaic and several sentences connect ideas unclearly.
Use simpler transitions and make the logical relationship between talent, training, popularity, and artistic value explicit within each paragraph.
Lexical Resource
The writer attempts a broad range of vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word forms reduce clarity and naturalness.
Replace strained expressions such as 'a burst of plain performances' and 'stays everlasting' with precise, conventional wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Both simple and complex structures are attempted, but recurrent errors with articles, agreement, clauses, and plurals weaken control while meaning remains generally accessible.
Build complex sentences around one complete main clause and proofread agreement and noun forms such as 'this phenomenon' and 'these artists'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries today, there is an attitude that ‘anyone can do it’ in the arts – music, literature, acting, art, etc. As a result, people with no talent become rich and famous and genuine talent is not valued or appreciated. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.