People in many countries spend more and more time far away from their families. Why does this happen and what effects will it have on them and their families?
Sample Response
Many individuals today find themselves spending extended periods away from their families, a change driven largely by globalization and evolving lifestyles. This phenomenon has both social and emotional consequences for individuals and their families.
Globalization has expanded job markets beyond national borders. Professionals often accept overseas opportunities for better income, exposure, or skill development. Moreover, digital work culture has created a mobile workforce, enabling people to settle in distant cities while working remotely. Additionally, the desire for independence and personal space, especially among younger generations, contributes to this physical distance from family.
While this separation can offer financial benefits and personal growth, it also disrupts traditional family dynamics. Parents may miss key milestones in their children’s lives, weakening emotional bonds. Similarly, children and elderly parents may feel neglected or unsupported. Over time, this distance may lead to a sense of disconnection, even if family members communicate online.
In summary, while modern lifestyles and economic factors explain the increasing time people spend away from families, this shift poses emotional and psychological challenges that can impact long-term relationships and family cohesion.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a direct verb Original: find themselves spending extended periods Suggested revision: spend extended periods Why it matters: The direct verb expresses the same idea more concisely.
- 2. Clarify the lifestyle change Original: evolving lifestyles Suggested revision: changing lifestyle priorities Why it matters: This wording identifies the nature of the change more precisely.
- 3. Specify professional exposure Original: better income, exposure, or skill development Suggested revision: higher income, professional experience, or skill development Why it matters: Professional experience is clearer than the vague noun exposure in this list.
- 4. Name remote work directly Original: digital work culture Suggested revision: remote-working culture Why it matters: This phrase connects the claim more directly to working from a distance.
- 5. Use a neutral verb Original: settle Suggested revision: live Why it matters: Live is more precise because the sentence does not establish permanent settlement.
- 6. Add the possessive determiner Original: this physical distance from family Suggested revision: this physical distance from their families Why it matters: The plural possessive determiner clearly links the families to the younger people.
- 7. Use a clearer subject Original: this separation can offer Suggested revision: living apart can offer Why it matters: Living apart names the situation more naturally than the abstract noun separation.
- 8. Use neutral age wording Original: elderly Suggested revision: older Why it matters: Older parents is a more neutral and natural description in this context.
- 9. Strengthen the reference Original: this distance may lead Suggested revision: prolonged separation may lead Why it matters: The revised reference specifies the condition that produces disconnection.
- 10. Choose a precise verb Original: impact Suggested revision: affect Why it matters: Affect is a more concise formal verb for describing consequences.
Suggested Rewrites
- find themselves spending extended periods spend extended periods
- evolving lifestyles changing lifestyle priorities
- better income, exposure, or skill development higher income, professional experience, or skill development
- digital work culture remote-working culture
- settle live
- this physical distance from family this physical distance from their families
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is clearly organised and uses accurate, varied language to explain several causes and consequences. However, at 179 words, its ideas are too compressed: claims about mobile work, independence, and family disconnection receive little concrete development, which limits task fulfilment. The priority is to reach the required length by explaining causal links more fully and adding a specific, relevant example for each main part of the question.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are addressed with relevant causes and effects, but the substantially under-length response develops them only briefly and generally.
Extend each main idea with a fuller causal explanation and a specific example so the response reaches at least 250 words.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a concise conclusion, with cohesive links used effectively.
Strengthen connections within the body paragraphs by making the relationship between each claim and its consequence more explicit.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally precise, with effective phrases such as “traditional family dynamics,” “emotional bonds,” and “family cohesion.”
Replace broad wording such as “exposure” and repeated references to “distance” with more specific, context-rich expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A strong range of simple and complex sentence structures is handled accurately, with only minor non-impeding imperfections.
Refine the occasional awkward construction, particularly the description of remote workers settling in distant cities, for greater precision.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
People in many countries spend more and more time far away from their families. Why does this happen and what effects will it have on them and their families?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.