Schools are spending more time teaching traditional subjects such as history. Some people think they should rather spend more time teaching skills that can help students find a job. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Some people opine that in today's competitive job market, schools must provide their students with skills that will help them find employment. While traditional subjects such as history and literature have their value, there is a growing need for students to be taught practical skills that will make them more employable. I firmly believe that schools should focus on teaching job-related skills, in addition to traditional subjects.
One advantage of teaching job-related skills in schools is that it prepares students for the workforce. For instance, in many countries, the demand for jobs in technology-related fields is increasing rapidly. By teaching students coding and other computer-related skills, schools can help them be better prepared for a technology-driven job market. Similarly, teaching students entrepreneurial skills such as financial planning, marketing, and business management can enable them to start their own businesses, which can be an excellent source of employment.
Moreover, teaching job-related skills can help reduce unemployment rates in many countries. By equipping students with practical skills, they become more employable and can find jobs more easily. This can reduce the number of unemployed individuals in society, which has many social and economic benefits. For instance, lower unemployment rates can lead to less poverty and crime, which is beneficial for the whole society. Lastly, teaching job-related skills can help students realize their potential and make a meaningful contribution to society. By providing students with the tools they need to succeed in the workforce, they can be confident in their abilities and feel more engaged in society.
In conclusion, while traditional subjects such as history and literature have their importance, teaching job-related skills is even more important in modern times. By equipping students with practical skills, they become more employable and can find jobs more easily, leading to a more productive and prosperous community. Therefore, schools should devote more time to teaching job-related skills.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural reporting verb Original: opine Suggested revision: argue Why it matters: “Argue” is more natural and direct than “opine” in this context.
- 2. Use concise education verb Original: provide Suggested revision: equip Why it matters: “Equip students with skills” expresses the same idea more concisely.
- 3. Remove misplaced comma Original: job-related skills, in addition to Suggested revision: job-related skills in addition to Why it matters: A comma should not separate the object from the phrase “in addition to traditional subjects.”
- 4. Clarify labour demand Original: jobs Suggested revision: workers Why it matters: Employers demand workers or skills, while job openings themselves are available rather than demanded.
- 5. Use direct verb order Original: help them be better prepared Suggested revision: better prepare them Why it matters: The revision is more concise and places the object naturally after the verb.
- 6. Specify self-employment Original: an excellent source of employment Suggested revision: a viable form of self-employment Why it matters: Starting one's own business creates self-employment rather than serving as a general source of employment.
- 7. Use measurable levels Original: less poverty and crime Suggested revision: lower levels of poverty and crime Why it matters: “Lower levels” is more precise for comparing the prevalence of social problems.
- 8. Fix beneficial collocation Original: beneficial for the whole society Suggested revision: beneficial to society as a whole Why it matters: The standard collocation is “beneficial to,” and the fixed expression is “society as a whole.”
- 9. Use natural importance phrase Original: have their importance Suggested revision: remain important Why it matters: “Remain important” is more natural and concise than “have their importance.”
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: By equipping students with practical skills, they become more employable and can find jobs more easily. Suggested revision: When schools equip students with practical skills, the students become more employable and can find jobs more easily. Why it matters: The rewrite gives the introductory action a clear subject and removes the dangling modifier.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: By providing students with the tools they need to succeed in the workforce, they can be confident in their abilities and feel more engaged in society. Suggested revision: By receiving the tools they need to succeed in the workforce, students can become more confident in their abilities and feel more engaged in society. Why it matters: The rewrite makes students the grammatical subject who receive the tools and experience the outcomes.
Suggested Rewrites
- opine argue
- provide equip
- job-related skills, in addition to job-related skills in addition to
- jobs workers
- help them be better prepared better prepare them
- an excellent source of employment a viable form of self-employment
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response gives a clear, consistent position and develops relevant benefits of practical education with specific examples, while its progression and sentence control are strong. The main limitation is some repetition of employability claims and a few broad assertions about social outcomes. The highest priority is to deepen the analysis by qualifying these claims and making each body paragraph contribute a more distinct line of reasoning.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly answers the extent question, sustains a clear position, and develops its main ideas with relevant examples and consequences.
Qualify the broader claims about unemployment, poverty, and crime so that the causal analysis is more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically sequenced, clearly paragraphled, and cohesive, with ideas progressing smoothly from preparation for work to wider benefits.
Give the final part of the third paragraph a more distinct focus to avoid repeating the earlier employability point.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, precise, and appropriately academic overall, although key phrases about skills and employability are repeated.
Use more selective paraphrasing and vary repeated references to job-related skills without sacrificing precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately, and the few minor lapses do not interfere with communication.
Refine occasional awkward constructions and modifier placement to make already strong sentences fully natural.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Schools are spending more time teaching traditional subjects such as history. Some people think they should rather spend more time teaching skills that can help students find a job. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.