In some countries, it is becoming increasingly common for people to follow a vegetarian diet. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
In few countries, the population of vegetarians is increasing rapidly. Although this trend might be a cause of unemployment among a particular group whose livelihood is dependent on the meat business; this essay thinks that the advantages like the positive effect on the environment outweigh the disadvantages. The drawback of a large population of a country turning vegetarian is that some people lose their business. That is to say that there are thousands of farmers whose livelihood depends on the livestock business, they farm animals like cows and pigs, and sell the meat in local meat markets. These markets might close if a large population turns vegetarian resulting in these people losing their livelihood. For example, in India, there are thousands of individuals, especially in coastal cities like Mumbai or Chennai, who earn their living through huge meet markets established in these cities, these people will get unemployed if the markets close. However, this essay believes that individuals would find an alternative source of income if these markets close. The major advantage of people choosing a vegetarian lifestyle is that it is eco-friendly. In other words, livestock requires vast areas of land to live in; they eat a huge quantity of food which would be enough for multiple people to survive; they produce double the carbon dioxide in a day than an average human. Due to these reasons farming livestock is takes a heavy toll on the environment. For example, according to research at the University of California, farm animals are the number one cause of global warming, greater than emissions from cars and gasses released from industries. This essay believes that the environmental impact of the vegetarian lifestyle outweighs the drawbacks. In conclusion, if a large population of a country turns vegetarian, a certain group might lose their income, but this essay believes that the advantages of positive environmental impact outweigh the drawbacks.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add the article Original: In few countries Suggested revision: In a few countries Why it matters: The countable plural phrase a few countries requires the article a.
- 2. Use countable wording Original: population Suggested revision: number Why it matters: Number is the natural measure for a countable group of people.
- 3. Use a direct verb Original: might be a cause of unemployment Suggested revision: might cause unemployment Why it matters: The direct verb makes the causal claim clearer and more concise.
- 4. Fix clause punctuation Original: meat business; Suggested revision: meat business, Why it matters: The introductory although-clause must be joined to its main clause with a comma, not a semicolon.
- 5. Express proportion accurately Original: large population of a country turning vegetarian Suggested revision: large proportion of a country's population becoming vegetarian Why it matters: The change refers accurately to a share of the population and uses a natural verb form.
- 6. Match the hypothetical claim Original: some people lose their business Suggested revision: some people may lose their businesses Why it matters: The modal may fits the predicted consequence, and separate people may own separate businesses.
- 7. Set off the result Original: turns vegetarian resulting Suggested revision: turns vegetarian, resulting Why it matters: A comma is needed before the participial phrase that states the result.
- 8. Correct spelling and tone Original: huge meet markets Suggested revision: large meat markets Why it matters: Meat is the required noun, and large is more appropriate than huge in this context.
- 9. Describe current activity Original: established Suggested revision: operating Why it matters: Operating clearly describes markets that currently provide livelihoods.
- 10. Use a natural passive Original: these people will get unemployed Suggested revision: these people may become unemployed Why it matters: Become unemployed is the standard expression, and may matches the hypothetical condition.
- 11. Use a cautious modal Original: would Suggested revision: could Why it matters: Could appropriately expresses a possible alternative income source rather than a guaranteed result.
- 12. Make the phrase concise Original: advantage of people choosing Suggested revision: advantage of choosing Why it matters: The gerund alone expresses the action clearly without the unnecessary noun people.
Suggested Rewrites
- In few countries In a few countries
- population number
- might be a cause of unemployment might cause unemployment
- meat business; meat business,
- large population of a country turning vegetarian large proportion of a country's population becoming vegetarian
- some people lose their business some people may lose their businesses
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response gives a clear judgment and develops both the employment drawback and environmental advantage with relevant explanations. However, the entire essay is presented as one paragraph, and frequent run-on sentences, article errors, and awkward wording weaken control despite a generally clear line of reasoning. The highest priority is to separate the response into purposeful paragraphs and edit sentence boundaries so each claim is expressed accurately and cleanly.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both sides are addressed and the judgment that environmental benefits outweigh employment losses is clear and adequately developed.
Make the comparison more persuasive by explaining why the environmental benefit has greater scale or lasting importance than the employment cost.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas follow a recognizable introduction-to-conclusion sequence, but the absence of paragraphing and several overloaded sentences weaken organization.
Divide the essay into clear introductory, disadvantage, advantage, and concluding paragraphs with one central purpose each.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied and topic-specific, though occasional spelling errors and awkward combinations reduce precision.
Proofread word forms and collocations, especially meet versus meat and phrases describing environmental benefits.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied sentence structures, but comma splices, article errors, and faulty constructions recur throughout.
Separate independent clauses correctly and check every complex sentence for articles, verb forms, and agreement.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries, it is becoming increasingly common for people to follow a vegetarian diet. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.