In some countries, it is becoming increasingly common for people to follow a vegetarian diet. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
In many countries today, more and more people are following a vegetarian diet. Although a vegetarian diet can cause deficiencies in important nutrientsit causes a deficiency of important nutrients in the body, I believe that the advantage of reducing obesity through this dietthe advantage of a reduction in the number of obese people due to this outweighs any disadvantage it may have. Following a vegetarian diet leads to a lack of vital nutrients. Many vitamins, especially vitamins B12 and B6, are obtained mainly from meatsourced majorly from meat, which vegetarian diets excludewhich is not part of the vegetarian diet. As a result of this, vegetarians will be deficient in these nutrients, thereby predisposing themselves to illnesses associated with the deficiency of these nutrients. For example, according to a report by the Brazilian Ministry of Healthhealth ministry of Brazil, vegetarians in the country have the highest rates of pernicious anemia and sensory nervous disordersaccount for the highest percentage of pernicious anemia and sensory nervous disorders due to a lack of vitamin B12 in their dietsdeficiency of vitamin B12 in their diet. However, I believe that these vitamins and many other nutrients that may be lackingnutrients which are absent in vegetarian diets can be obtained from vitamin supplementscan be gotten from supplements in vitamin tablets. A vegetarian diet can causeVegetarian diet causes a reduction in obesity ratesa decrease in the prevalence of obesity. As obesity is a risk factor for many cardiovascular and respiratory diseases, following a vegetarian diet, which is low in calories and fat, will mean that there will be a decline in the weight of people, which therefore reduces the risk of these diseases in people. To illustrate, in Japan, where a large number of people abstain from meat and eat mostly vegetables, the rate of obesity related illnesses is one of the lowest globally. Therefore, I believe that it is more advantageousof greater advantage for more people to follow a vegetarian diet. To conclude, even though adhering to a vegetarian diet leads to a lack of vital nutrients in the body, I believe that the advantage of reducing the problem of obesity outweighs any advantage this may have.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear comparative position and develops both the nutritional drawback and the obesity-related benefit with relevant explanations and examples. Its main weakness is presentation: the whole essay appears as one paragraph, while a wording error in the conclusion momentarily reverses the intended comparison. The highest-priority improvement is to use clear paragraph divisions and proofread the final position for exact logical consistency.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both sides and maintains a clear judgement, with relevant ideas that are extended and illustrated.
Ensure the conclusion accurately restates that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages and avoids contradicting the established position.
Coherence and Cohesion
The reasoning progresses logically and linking is generally effective, but the absence of paragraph breaks weakens organisation.
Divide the response into an introduction, separate drawback and benefit paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Lexical Resource
A sufficient range of topic-specific vocabulary conveys the argument clearly despite occasional awkward or inaccurate word choices.
Replace unnatural expressions such as sourced majorly and can be gotten with more precise academic phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are used with generally good control, although some article, agreement, and phrasing errors remain.
Check noun phrases and reference words carefully so expressions such as vegetarian diet and any disadvantage remain grammatically and logically exact.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries, it is becoming increasingly common for people to follow a vegetarian diet. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.