Some workplaces do not ensure the safety of workers who use dangerous equipment. What can be done? Who should take responsibilities to ensure safety at workplaces? What is your opinion on that?
Sample Response
It is seen in many places that a lot of accidents are caused due to lack of awareness. Mostly, in the case of workers working in an industry with hazardous equipment. ‘Too Many Cooks Spoil The Broth’, in the same way instead of appointing many workers blindly there may be a drastic change if a worker who knows to deal with the equipment is being granted.
Firstly, the reason behind the cause of accidents is the lack of literacy rate. For instance, if we consider the Chernobyl nuclear power plant disaster in Ukraine in the 20th century, this affected severely around 25 countries, took many months to recover to genuine state. In addition to that, Steel industries which involved lots of equipment to make the iron mould to a particular shape, Workers try hard to complete work rather than to understand and complete in a smart way.
Moreover, large companies which deal with heavy equipment require huge staff members. In my opinion, it is the responsibility of the management who should take care of each and every worker progress and maintain till date report. Some people think that up to date progress of workers is a quite time-consuming process. But, eligibility criteria comes with regular correspondence, everyone who is capable of understanding in more effectively can give a high productivity more obviously.
After discussing the pros and cons I conclude that a worker before dealing with heavy equipment has to be well known to deal with it. Otherwise, a small mistake may cost so many lives. It is also the responsibility of oneself to take care, even though management provides several guidelines.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. More precise cause Original: lack of awareness Suggested revision: lack of safety training Why it matters: This is more specific for dangerous equipment.
- 2. Remove idiom Original: Too Many Cooks Spoil The Broth Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The idiom distracts from the argument and is not clearly relevant.
- 3. Verb pattern Original: a worker who knows to deal Suggested revision: a worker who knows how to deal Why it matters: Use knows how to plus verb.
- 4. Unclear wording Original: is being granted Suggested revision: is appointed Why it matters: Granted does not fit this context.
- 5. Number agreement Original: the cause of accidents is the lack Suggested revision: one cause of accidents is a lack Why it matters: This is more accurate because several causes are discussed.
- 6. Word order Original: this affected severely around 25 countries Suggested revision: this severely affected around 25 countries Why it matters: Place the adverb before the verb.
- 7. Clause grammar Original: Steel industries which involved lots of equipment Suggested revision: Steel industries involve a lot of equipment Why it matters: Use present simple and a clear main verb.
- 8. Unnatural wording Original: make the iron mould to a particular shape Suggested revision: shape iron moulds Why it matters: The shorter phrase is clearer.
- 9. Possessive Original: each and every worker progress Suggested revision: each worker’s progress Why it matters: Use a possessive form before progress.
- 10. Unclear phrase Original: maintain till date report Suggested revision: maintain up-to-date reports Why it matters: This is the intended workplace record phrase.
- 11. Agreement error Original: eligibility criteria comes Suggested revision: eligibility criteria come Why it matters: Criteria is plural.
- 12. Unnatural wording Original: a high productivity more obviously Suggested revision: higher productivity Why it matters: This is concise and natural.
Suggested Rewrites
- lack of awareness lack of safety training
- Too Many Cooks Spoil The Broth Delete
- a worker who knows to deal a worker who knows how to deal
- is being granted is appointed
- the cause of accidents is the lack one cause of accidents is a lack
- this affected severely around 25 countries this severely affected around 25 countries
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay addresses workplace safety and responsibility, but the answer is only partly focused on the full question. Some ideas, such as literacy and Chernobyl, are not clearly connected to practical solutions.
State specific measures such as training, inspections, protective equipment, and employer accountability.
Coherence and Cohesion
There are paragraphs and some progression, but the sequence of ideas is loose. The idiom and conclusion do not clearly guide the reader.
Use direct topic sentences that answer what can be done and who is responsible.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary attempts topic-related language, but there are many awkward collocations and unclear expressions.
Use simpler accurate workplace-safety terms such as training, certification, maintenance records, and safety rules.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent grammar errors in clauses, articles, capitalization, and sentence structure make some points difficult to follow.
Write shorter sentences and check that each clause has a clear subject and verb.