Many young people change their jobs and careers. What are the reasons for this? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
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Sample Response
Nowadays, many young people change their jobs and careers. There are several reasons for this trend, such as job dissatisfactionnot liking the jobs. I believe that the advantages of changing jobs outweigh the disadvantagesoutweigh disadvantages because young people can gain many valuable experiences, earn higher salaries and benefitsearn better salary, benefits and choose less pressure jobs.
First, one of the main reasons why young people change their jobs and careers is that they are placed under pressure and paid low wagesput under pressure and low wages, they will their jobs and desire to change jobs.In addition, some young people have many conflicts with their colleagues because of unfair competitioncompetitions and differences of opinionsopinion. This can foster resentment among young employeesmake young people jealous and cause many arguments . As a result, they want to change their jobs.
Regarding the advantages and disadvantages, I believeI believeI believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. One important benefit is that young people can gain many new experiences. When they change workplaceschange their work they can have opportunities to meet new colleagues, work environments, and career fieldsnew workmates, environment and field careers. As a result, they can build professional networksmake many new relationships and build self-confidence atin work. Therefore, young people can have opportunities to gain higher incomeshigh in-comes, less stressful rolesless pressured jobs and benefits from new companies. Consequently, they can boost their motivation and improve their professionalwork qualifications, which leads to enhancing their position in companies. However, this trend has some disadvantages. For example, they can experience poor work-life balancelack balance in their jobs and because of changing jobs too much their personal
Why this response received Band 5.0
The essay clearly identifies reasons why young employees change careers and outlines several benefits, but the final paragraph cuts off abruptly before fully addressing the disadvantages. This incomplete argument, alongside noticeable grammatical errors and repetition, limits the overall impact of the essay. To improve, ensure you fully complete all sentences and paragraphs while thoroughly explaining both advantages and disadvantages to meet the length requirement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the prompt and presents a clear position, but the main ideas are truncated at the end and underdeveloped due to being under-length.
Ensure all paragraphs are fully completed and explore the disadvantages in more detail to ensure balanced development.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is arranged with an overall progression, but cohesiveness is disrupted by typos, duplicated phrasing, and a sentence left unfinished.
Proofread carefully to eliminate repeated text and incomplete sentences that disrupt the logical flow.
Lexical Resource
The candidate uses a adequate range of basic vocabulary for the topic, though repetition and minor word choice inaccuracies are present.
Vary your vocabulary by using synonyms for frequent terms like jobs, change, and advantages.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but frequent grammatical errors and punctuation issues occur throughout the response.
Focus on sentence accuracy, particularly subject-verb agreement, clause structures, and proper punctuation spacing.