Many young people change their jobs and careers. What are the reasons for this? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
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Sample Response
Nowadays, an increasing number of young people change their jobs and careers. There are several reasons for this trend,such as a lack of job satisfaction and conflict with workmates. In my opinion, the drawbacks of changing jobs and careers outweigh the benefits because young people can have unstable jobs and lack stress endurance, although they may have valuablemuch experience and find better work.
There are two reasons young people change jobs and careers. Firstly, young people lack job satisfaction. This is because when they have low salaries and a heavy workloadhigh workload, they can feel stressed and bored. As a result, young people leave their jobs. Secondly, conflictSecond,conflict with workmates is another reason, because they do notdon’t have the same opinion and competition for benefits. Therefore, they might have friction with each other.
Regarding benefits and drawbacks, I think the drawbacks of changing jobs outweigh the benefits. The first drawback is that young people have unstable jobs. If they frequently change jobsBecause if they often change jobs, their employment history may appear inconsistenttheir records will look bad. As a result, they will fail future job interviewsfail the interview. Second, young people lack stress endurance. When they possess a negative mindsetBecause when they have a negative mindset, their work productivity will be reduced. Therefore, they are easily dismissed from their positionspushed out of their jobs. However, young people changing jobs has a few benefitschanges their job have a few benefits, because if they have multiple attempts and find a bettermany tried and find out better environment, their productivity will be better. As a result, they attain greater achievementsreceive better achievements.
In conclusion, young people change their jobs because they lack of job satisfaction and conflict with workmates. Athough changing jobs can help them find out better jobs, but I believed that long time drawbacks outweigh the benefits
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay directly addresses all parts of the prompt by explaining reasons for career changes and evaluating both sides before offering a clear stance. Its primary strength lies in its logical structure and relevant topic vocabulary. However, grammatical accuracy and cohesion are limited by sentence fragments and mechanical transitions. To improve, focus on eliminating incomplete sentences starting with subordinating conjunctions and refining complex sentence structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
You successfully address both parts of the prompt by outlining clear causes and presenting a distinct position on the main task.
Elaborate more deeply on your main supporting points to ensure arguments, such as stress endurance, are logically tied back to the central thesis.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is logical and ideas generally progress clearly using sequential linkers.
Avoid starting new sentences with subordinating conjunctions like 'because' so that your cohesive flow remains grammatically complete.
Lexical Resource
You use a sufficient range of topic-specific vocabulary to communicate key concepts effectively.
Focus on precise word combinations and correct preposition usage to avoid errors like 'lack of job satisfaction' where a verb phrase is required.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
While simple structures are understandable, frequent grammatical errors and sentence fragments hinder accuracy.
Practice attaching dependent clauses to main clauses properly and check subject-verb agreement during final proofreading.