Young people in the modern world seem to have more power and influence than any previous young generation. Why is this the case? What impact does this have on the relationship between old and young people?
Sample Response
In this contemporary era, youngsters are dominating their respective families and societies as they are unknowingly provided with extreme power and authority. There are various reasons for this change which ultimately impact their bonding with adults and senior citizens. The main objective of this exposition is to put forth some of the genesis along with its effect on individuals and societies with credible illustrations.
To begin with, teenagers are misbehaving and disobeying elders and are on the verge of involving in criminal offences. This is due to a lack of communication and proper guidance by parents. They are swamped with huge workloads at their jobs and are bustling in building up their careers to receive a proper salary which eventually ensures them to provide world-class education to their kids. This leads to minimal interaction and communication within families, which eventually impacts the upbringing of children. On a similar note, youngsters take advantage of such circumstances and are prone to spend more time on social media and electronic gadgets. It is an incontestable fact that the internet influences not only adults but also juveniles. When they are exposed to these platforms, they tend to make new friendships with unknown people, which is dissentious to their well-being. Thus, these minors do not reverence their elders due to their exposure to the internet and lack of family time with their parents.
Furthermore, there is massive damage to the future of these teenagers and gradually affects the relationship between their parents and grandparents. They are being disrespected by their own wards and disobey in all scenarios. Since grandparents are illtreated as they spend most of their time with their grandkids. For instance, if they are not provided with any wish which they make, then they tend to abuse them and use bad dialect. Additionally, they also threaten to commit suicide or blackmail them till they receive whatever they require. Hence, there are multiple reasons which impact their relationship with family members.
In a nutshell, teenagers are becoming dominant due to a lack of coordination by their parents, and their bonding is becoming perilous due to the excess attention to other sources.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: provided with extreme power Suggested revision: given excessive power Why it matters: ‘Given excessive power’ expresses the intended idea more naturally and precisely.
- 2. Use precise relationship noun Original: bonding Suggested revision: relationships Why it matters: ‘Relationships’ is appropriate for ongoing connections between groups of people.
- 3. Fix cause-effect wording Original: some of the genesis along with its effect Suggested revision: some of the causes along with their effects Why it matters: ‘Causes’ is countable here, and the plural possessive and noun must agree with it.
- 4. Use natural preposition Original: by Suggested revision: from Why it matters: ‘Guidance from parents’ is the natural collocation for identifying its source.
- 5. Prefer precise verb Original: impacts Suggested revision: affects Why it matters: ‘Affects’ is the more direct verb for describing an influence on children's upbringing.
- 6. Show cause and effect Original: On a similar note Suggested revision: Consequently Why it matters: The next point is presented as a result of limited family interaction, so a causal connector is clearer.
- 7. Fix verb pattern Original: are prone to spend Suggested revision: tend to spend Why it matters: ‘Prone’ normally takes ‘to’ plus a noun or gerund, while ‘tend to spend’ fits this structure.
- 8. Use correct collocation Original: make Suggested revision: form Why it matters: English normally uses ‘form friendships’ rather than ‘make friendships’.
- 9. Choose accurate adjective Original: dissentious Suggested revision: harmful Why it matters: ‘Dissentious’ means causing disagreement and does not express harm to well-being.
- 10. Use natural verb Original: reverence Suggested revision: respect Why it matters: ‘Respect’ is the standard verb for describing this attitude toward elders.
- 11. Correct agent and voice Original: They are being disrespected by their own wards Suggested revision: Their own children disrespect them Why it matters: The active construction makes clear that the children disrespect the older family members.
- 12. Add verb object Original: disobey in all scenarios Suggested revision: disobey them in all situations Why it matters: ‘Disobey’ needs an object here, and ‘situations’ is more natural than ‘scenarios’.
Suggested Rewrites
- provided with extreme power given excessive power
- bonding relationships
- some of the genesis along with its effect some of the causes along with their effects
- by from
- impacts affects
- On a similar note Consequently
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response addresses both causes and effects and organises them into identifiable stages, while attempting a broad range of vocabulary and complex sentences. Its main limitation is that it narrows power and influence to extreme misbehaviour, so several claims are exaggerated, loosely reasoned, or only partly relevant to the question. The priority is to frame the issue more accurately and support each cause-and-effect link with plausible, specific explanation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are addressed, but the discussion equates greater influence mainly with disobedience and develops several exaggerated or insufficiently supported effects.
Define what increased power or influence means, then explain one or two plausible causes and their direct effects on intergenerational relationships.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and signposting create an overall progression from causes to effects, although repetition and loose referencing weaken the flow within paragraphs.
Give each paragraph one controlling idea and use explicit logical links instead of repeatedly relying on broad phrases such as 'This leads to' and 'Furthermore.'
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a wide vocabulary, but frequent miscollocations and unsuitable choices such as 'genesis,' 'dissentious,' and 'bad dialect' reduce precision.
Choose familiar academic vocabulary that fits the intended meaning exactly, and check collocations before using ambitious alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence forms is attempted, but recurrent errors in clause construction, agreement, complementation, and fragments reduce control and sometimes strain clarity.
Focus on constructing complete complex sentences with clear subjects and verbs, then check verb patterns and agreement during proofreading.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Young people in the modern world seem to have more power and influence than any previous young generation. Why is this the case? What impact does this have on the relationship between old and young people?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.