Nowadays shopping has become a new favorite pastime for young people. What are the reasons for this? should they be encouraged to develop other hobbies?
Sample Response
It considered that the gist of this question is a big, disputable, and debatable issue in the contemporary world at the moment. There are some postulated relevant causes for this kind of problem. Therefore, I could propound and expound on this topic to prove my sources.
One of the main reason is that secure shoping. To be more precise buying goods become simple in fingertip tap further, adolescents are most concerned about passion and trend style they don’t bother about design, worthy and useable they concentrate on only buying the product
Secondly, goods in online shoping are cheaper; most of teenagers attract less cost and brand value. furthermore, to show their status in this modern world to usually updated their products with buying products at less price compared to the market price
Thirdly,some teenagers most spent their past time due to unemployment they don’t have any work to do they usually attract to teams and waste their money and time I opine that younger generation should do more concentration on physical and mental exercises and Rome for product which you want this can develop some information of the product and also helps as daily exercise
To sum up, it is obvious that the aforementioned points have vindicated my stand beyond any doubt.nevertheless it is challenging to describe all pertinent factors for this topic in this short essay
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove unsuitable modifier Original: postulated relevant causes Suggested revision: relevant causes Why it matters: Postulated is unnatural and unnecessary when introducing causes that will be discussed.
- 2. Name the trend accurately Original: this kind of problem Suggested revision: this trend Why it matters: The topic presents shopping as a trend, so problem introduces an unsupported characterization.
- 3. Use clear academic verb Original: I could propound and expound on Suggested revision: I will discuss Why it matters: The original verbs are inflated and do not clearly state what the essay will do.
- 4. Fix present-perfect form Original: buying goods become Suggested revision: buying goods has become Why it matters: The singular gerund phrase requires has, and the change over time calls for the present perfect.
- 5. Use natural expression Original: simple in fingertip tap Suggested revision: simple with a tap Why it matters: The original phrase is not idiomatic English.
- 6. Use parallel nouns Original: they don’t bother about design, worthy and useable Suggested revision: they do not consider design, value, or usefulness Why it matters: The list needs parallel nouns and more precise vocabulary.
- 7. Correct online-shopping phrase Original: goods in online shoping Suggested revision: goods sold online Why it matters: The revision fixes the spelling error and uses a natural phrase for online goods.
- 8. Repair passive structure Original: most of teenagers attract less cost and brand value Suggested revision: most teenagers are attracted by lower prices and brand value Why it matters: The people receive the attraction, so the clause needs a passive verb and a comparative noun phrase.
- 9. Fix verb structure Original: to usually updated their products Suggested revision: they usually update their products Why it matters: The clause needs an explicit subject and the base verb update.
- 10. Correct time expression Original: Thirdly,some teenagers most spent their past time Suggested revision: Thirdly, some teenagers spend most of their free time Why it matters: The revision corrects the word order, tense, punctuation, and the expression free time.
- 11. Use passive attraction form Original: they usually attract to teams Suggested revision: they are usually attracted to groups Why it matters: Be attracted to requires a passive construction, and groups is clearer for people they join.
- 12. Use natural verb phrase Original: younger generation should do more concentration on Suggested revision: younger people should focus more on Why it matters: Focus on is the standard verb phrase for directing attention to an activity.
Suggested Rewrites
- postulated relevant causes relevant causes
- this kind of problem this trend
- I could propound and expound on I will discuss
- buying goods become buying goods has become
- simple in fingertip tap simple with a tap
- they don’t bother about design, worthy and useable they do not consider design, value, or usefulness
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response identifies several plausible reasons for young people's interest in shopping and briefly recommends exercise, giving it some relevance to both questions. Its main weakness is that the second question is barely developed, while pervasive sentence, punctuation, and word-choice problems often obscure the intended reasoning; the response is also under length. The priority is to build a clear answer to each question in accurate, complete sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Several reasons are identified and other activities are briefly recommended, but ideas are thin, unclear in places, and the second question receives minimal development.
Devote a separate developed paragraph to whether other hobbies should be encouraged, explaining why and giving a relevant example.
Coherence and Cohesion
Basic paragraphing and sequencing markers provide a visible structure, but run-on sentences, weak referencing, and mechanical links disrupt progression.
Organize each paragraph around one clear main idea and use full stops before adding carefully chosen logical connectors.
Lexical Resource
There is some attempted range, but frequent spelling, collocation, and word-choice errors make many expressions awkward or unclear.
Replace memorized or misused vocabulary with accurate everyday expressions for convenience, affordability, fashion, status, and free time.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Errors predominate in sentence formation, verb forms, agreement, articles, and punctuation, and they sometimes make meaning difficult to recover.
Write shorter complete sentences with one finite verb pattern each, then check subject-verb agreement and end punctuation.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays shopping has become a new favorite pastime for young people. What are the reasons for this? should they be encouraged to develop other hobbies?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.