Nowadays shopping has become a new favorite pastime for young people. What are the reasons for this? should they be encouraged to develop other hobbies?
Sample Response
In this modern era, shopping is an integralshoping has an integral part of everyone’s lifeeach and everyone’s life. Youngsters are more attracted than older people. and it has almost become their favorite hobby While there are many reasons behind their trend.
Such as to show their peer ones that they got a lot of money and power. Some people argue that they should spend their time wisely onn other useful activities. I agree becauseI agree that because time is the most precious thing in our world
On the one handOthe one hand, spending power is one of the main reasonsreason for this addiction to shoppingaddition to shoping in our society. Compared to the past there are many job opportunities most of them are ready to pay fat checks but nowadays our young people have plenty of disposable income they dont know how to spend that.
FurthermoreOn the other hand, they are quickly being influencedgetting influence from their peers who might be doing window shoppingshoping almost every week without any reason.without any reason, For instance, the recent survey conducted by Amazon at a shopping mallsurvey conducted by Amazon on a business mall in Mumbai City included young peopleincludes those younger people who had just started their careerscareer.
To conclude, instead of spending time in shopping mallsin the shoping mall, encourage the youngsters to spend their precious time wisely on activities thatactivities, which would help themto lead a more comfortable and healthy life.
Why this response received Band 4.5
The response has a recognizable position and identifies disposable income and peer influence as reasons for shopping, so its central message remains understandable. However, both parts of the task are only briefly developed, the response is under length, and frequent sentence-level errors weaken clarity. The highest priority is to plan two fully explained reasons and a developed case for alternative hobbies, then express each idea in complete, accurately punctuated sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both questions and gives two relevant reasons, but support is thin and the recommendation about other hobbies is barely developed.
Explain each reason with a clear cause-and-effect chain and devote a full paragraph to why specific alternative hobbies should be encouraged.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphs separate broad ideas, but fragments, run-on sentences, and inaccurately used contrasts disrupt progression.
Organize the response into a clear introduction, one paragraph for reasons, one for the recommendation, and a concise conclusion with controlled linking.
Lexical Resource
Some relevant vocabulary such as disposable income and peer influence is attempted, but spelling and word-choice errors are frequent and sometimes obscure meaning.
Prioritize accurate common collocations and proofread recurring forms such as shopping, influenced by, addiction to, and peers.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A few simple structures communicate the main ideas, but frequent fragments, agreement errors, missing auxiliaries, and faulty punctuation substantially reduce control.
Write complete subject-verb sentences first, then check every sentence for agreement, articles, verb forms, and end punctuation.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays shopping has become a new favorite pastime for young people. What are the reasons for this? should they be encouraged to develop other hobbies?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.