Nowadays shopping has become a new favorite pastime for young people. What are the reasons for this? should they be encouraged to develop other hobbies?
Sample Response
In this modern era, shoping has an integral part of each and everyone’s life. Youngsters are more attracted than older people. and it has almost become their favorite hobby While there are many reasons behind their trend.
Such as to show their peer ones that they got a lot of money and power. Some people argue that they should spend their time wisely n other useful activities. I agree that because time is the most precious thing in our world
Othe one hand, spending power is one of the main reason for this addition to shoping in our society. Compared to the past there are many job opportunities most of them are ready to pay fat checks but nowadays our young people have plenty of disposable income they dont know how to spend that.
On the other hand, they are quickly getting influence from their peers who might be doing window shoping almost every week without any reason, For instance, the recent survey conducted by Amazon on a business mall in Mumbai City includes those younger people who had just started their career.
To conclude, instead of spending time in the shoping mall, encourage the youngsters to spend their precious time wisely on activities, which would help to lead a more comfortable and healthy life.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct verb phrase Original: shoping has an integral Suggested revision: shopping is an integral Why it matters: The sentence needs the linking verb ‘is’, and ‘shopping’ is misspelled.
- 2. Use concise wording Original: each and everyone’s life Suggested revision: everyone’s life Why it matters: ‘Each and everyone’ is redundant and incorrectly formed here.
- 3. Correct preposition Original: n Suggested revision: on Why it matters: The verb phrase ‘spend time’ requires the preposition ‘on’.
- 4. Remove extra conjunction Original: I agree that because Suggested revision: I agree because Why it matters: Using both ‘that’ and ‘because’ makes the clause ungrammatical.
- 5. Correct linking phrase Original: Othe one hand Suggested revision: On the one hand Why it matters: The standard cohesive phrase is ‘On the one hand’.
- 6. Use plural noun Original: reason Suggested revision: reasons Why it matters: ‘One of the’ must be followed by a plural countable noun.
- 7. Correct word choice Original: addition to shoping Suggested revision: addiction to shopping Why it matters: ‘Addiction’ expresses the intended excessive attachment, while ‘addition’ does not.
- 8. Show addition Original: On the other hand Suggested revision: Furthermore Why it matters: This paragraph adds another cause rather than presenting the opposing side of a contrast.
- 9. Use passive form Original: getting influence Suggested revision: being influenced Why it matters: The passive construction is required because peers exert the influence.
- 10. Correct spelling Original: shoping Suggested revision: shopping Why it matters: ‘Shopping’ is spelled with a double p.
- 11. End the sentence Original: without any reason, Suggested revision: without any reason. Why it matters: A full stop is needed before the new sentence beginning with ‘For instance’.
- 12. Use natural prepositions Original: survey conducted by Amazon on a business mall Suggested revision: survey conducted by Amazon at a shopping mall Why it matters: A survey takes place ‘at’ a location, and ‘shopping mall’ is the natural term.
Suggested Rewrites
- shoping has an integral shopping is an integral
- each and everyone’s life everyone’s life
- n on
- I agree that because I agree because
- Othe one hand On the one hand
- reason reasons
Why this response received Band 4.5
The response has a recognizable position and identifies disposable income and peer influence as reasons for shopping, so its central message remains understandable. However, both parts of the task are only briefly developed, the response is under length, and frequent sentence-level errors weaken clarity. The highest priority is to plan two fully explained reasons and a developed case for alternative hobbies, then express each idea in complete, accurately punctuated sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both questions and gives two relevant reasons, but support is thin and the recommendation about other hobbies is barely developed.
Explain each reason with a clear cause-and-effect chain and devote a full paragraph to why specific alternative hobbies should be encouraged.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphs separate broad ideas, but fragments, run-on sentences, and inaccurately used contrasts disrupt progression.
Organize the response into a clear introduction, one paragraph for reasons, one for the recommendation, and a concise conclusion with controlled linking.
Lexical Resource
Some relevant vocabulary such as disposable income and peer influence is attempted, but spelling and word-choice errors are frequent and sometimes obscure meaning.
Prioritize accurate common collocations and proofread recurring forms such as shopping, influenced by, addiction to, and peers.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A few simple structures communicate the main ideas, but frequent fragments, agreement errors, missing auxiliaries, and faulty punctuation substantially reduce control.
Write complete subject-verb sentences first, then check every sentence for agreement, articles, verb forms, and end punctuation.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays shopping has become a new favorite pastime for young people. What are the reasons for this? should they be encouraged to develop other hobbies?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.