Nowadays shopping has become a new favorite pastime for young people. What are the reasons for this? should they be encouraged to develop other hobbies?
Sample Response
People’s approach toward hobbies is changing dramatically. At present, shopping as a hobby is becoming popular, especially in youngsters. Indeed, shopping outlet’s services and lucrative offers are playing a key to pursue shopping as a hobby. However, shopping as a hobby is supposed not only for needless shopping but also expected of waste of time of individuals.
To begin with, there are numerous reasons why people are choosing shopping as a leisure activity. Firstly, nowadays shopping malls offer various services which are attracting people enormously. Facilities like children’s play section, café, and restaurants can be used for recreational activities. For instance, a recent report reveals that the majority of youngsters are more likely to acquire shopping as a leisure activity because of stores and shopping outlets are providing myriad services where they can easily spend their time. Secondly, commercial and in-person shopping are offering lucrative discounts all over the year; therefore, in order to acquire these products at low prices, people always observe these sites and stores. Consequently, they develop shopping as a hobby by engaging lots of time in this approach.
Nevertheless, shopping is becoming an enriching hobby for many individuals; it is also increasing the needless shopping. It is generally true that frequent visit at shopping stores can compel people to buy things which are not in use for them in general. Unnecessary shopping affects people’s income, but companies are benefitted with this activity. Apart from that, many people experienced shopping as a hobby is a waste of time because they considered that without purchasing any single item from shops by regular visiting can lead to time consuming activity. Furthermore, as shopping hobby does not play an active role in the development of human beings as other activity such as reading books that increases the knowledge of people, thus other hobbies should be promoted.
To sum up, hobbies vary from time to time and nowadays shopping is gaining vast popularity. People especially youngster choose shopping as a hobby because of various reasons such store’s services and attractive deals. However, it is considered that shopping as a hobby has not positive outcomes as compared to other activities so people should be encouraged to pursue other hobbies instead of shopping.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural preposition Original: in youngsters Suggested revision: among young people Why it matters: Use 'among' when referring to popularity within a group.
- 2. Correct plural possessive Original: shopping outlet’s services Suggested revision: shopping outlets’ services Why it matters: The plural possessive is needed because the claim refers to multiple outlets.
- 3. Complete the collocation Original: are playing a key Suggested revision: play a key role Why it matters: The fixed expression is 'play a key role.'
- 4. Use a plural noun Original: section Suggested revision: areas Why it matters: A general reference to facilities requires a natural plural noun.
- 5. Fix list form Original: café, and restaurants Suggested revision: cafés and restaurants Why it matters: Use parallel plural nouns and omit the unnecessary comma in this short list.
- 6. Fix clause structure Original: because of stores and shopping outlets are providing Suggested revision: because stores and shopping outlets provide Why it matters: 'Because' must introduce the finite clause here, without 'of.'
- 7. Use the intended term Original: commercial Suggested revision: online Why it matters: 'Online' provides the intended contrast with in-person shopping.
- 8. Use natural time phrase Original: all over the year Suggested revision: throughout the year Why it matters: 'Throughout the year' is the standard expression for continuous availability.
- 9. Choose a precise verb Original: observe these sites and stores Suggested revision: monitor these websites and stores Why it matters: 'Monitor' accurately describes checking repeatedly for discounts.
- 10. Use natural phrasing Original: engaging lots of time in this approach Suggested revision: spending a great deal of time on this activity Why it matters: The revision uses the correct verb and preposition for time spent on a hobby.
- 11. Remove awkward wording Original: increasing the needless shopping Suggested revision: increasing unnecessary shopping Why it matters: 'Unnecessary shopping' is the natural uncountable noun phrase.
- 12. Fix number and preposition Original: frequent visit at shopping stores Suggested revision: frequent visits to shops Why it matters: A general repeated action needs the plural noun and the preposition 'to.'
Suggested Rewrites
- in youngsters among young people
- shopping outlet’s services shopping outlets’ services
- are playing a key play a key role
- section areas
- café, and restaurants cafés and restaurants
- because of stores and shopping outlets are providing because stores and shopping outlets provide
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response clearly covers both parts of the task and maintains a consistent view that young people should pursue more beneficial hobbies. Its main limitation is that supporting points are sometimes repetitive or expressed through awkward, imprecise language, which weakens development and readability. The highest priority is to explain each main idea with a precise cause-and-effect chain while improving sentence-level grammatical control.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are answered with a clear position and relevant reasons, although some support remains general or repetitive.
Develop each reason with a specific explanation of how it leads young people toward shopping or makes another hobby preferable.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear paragraph structure and broadly logical progression, but some linking is mechanical and several sentences connect ideas awkwardly.
Use simpler internal transitions and ensure each sentence advances one clear stage of the paragraph's argument.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonably varied vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Prioritize natural combinations such as take up shopping, visit shopping centres, and spend time rather than forcing less familiar expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures is attempted, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, word forms, and clause construction remain noticeable.
Check every sentence for a complete clause structure and consistent subject-verb agreement before adding complex modifiers.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays shopping has become a new favorite pastime for young people. What are the reasons for this? should they be encouraged to develop other hobbies?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.