The pie charts below show the online sales for retail sectors in Australia in 2003 and 2013.
Sample Response
The pie chartscircular layouts showelucidate the online sales of travel, film or music, books and clothes in Australia in two selected years. The data has been calibrated in percentage.
As a general analysis, it can be clearly seen that the sales of travel and film or music decreased after a decade, while books and clothes showed the opposite trend.
Looking first at travel,Having a glance upon, the online sales of travel depicted the maximum proportion which was accounted as minor more than one-third in 2003, being 7% more than the sales in 2013. By contrast,Whereas, the online sales in the book sectoronline marketing of books sector was the smallestwas undoubtedly least at 19%which was noticed as merely 19%. By 2013,Surprisingly, the figure increased slightly over the decadeafter a period of ten years to 22%which was observed as 22%.
Turning to clothingProbing ahead towards the clothes, online sales accounted forthe data of online sales was witnessed as 24% and 16% in 2003 and 2013, respectively. In 2003, 21% of online sales were related to the film or music category. Interestingly, the figure rose to one-third over the decadeafter one decade, making this the best-selling online sectorthis sector best selling online market.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response’s strongest feature is its accurate reporting of all eight percentages and the decade-to-decade changes in the detail paragraphs. The main limitation is that the overview reverses the trends for film/music and clothes, creating a significant contradiction, while unnatural collocations also reduce clarity. The highest priority is to correct the overview so it states that travel and clothes fell, whereas film/music and books rose, then simplify the phrasing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
All category percentages are reported accurately, but the overview incorrectly says film/music fell and clothes rose.
State the overall trends accurately: travel and clothes decreased, while film/music and books increased.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a recognizable introduction-overview-detail structure, though mechanical transitions and a sentence fragment disrupt the flow.
Group the two declining sectors and the two growing sectors, using direct transitions rather than stock phrases such as 'Probing ahead'.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range to describe proportions and change, but frequent unnatural collocations make the language imprecise.
Use conventional phrases such as 'accounted for', 'rose to', 'fell to', and 'the largest share' instead of elaborate substitutes.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts complex structures, but recurring problems with clause construction, articles, and passive forms reduce accuracy.
Use shorter active sentences and avoid fragmentary openings such as 'Whereas' followed by an incomplete main clause.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The pie charts below show the online sales for retail sectors in Australia in 2003 and 2013.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.