The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web.
Sample Response
The graph shows people using new music websitesplaces on the Internet over a fifteen-day periodin fifteen days period of time namely Music Choicepersonal choice and Pop Paradetrendy pop music. The overall trend shows fluctuations with a general increasefluctuation with slight Increased towards the end of the period. Starting with the Music Choice website,Music Choice websites; 40,000 peoplepoeple went on this new site on the first dayon first-day. Half of them backed out the next day. In contrast,In Contrast to this Pop Parade websitenet sites were visited by 120,000 music lovers on day one which decreased slightly on the next day thereafter regaining the same fame on the third dayon 3rd day. After 3rd day the enthusiasm for both music lines on Internet dropped slowly- reaching maximum fall of 40,000 on 7th day. Whereas Music choice gained popularity, slightly Improoving to get the original strength of 30,000 viewers on screen, but was getting still less visiters than their opponent Pop group i.e. 40,000 on day 7. In the biegining of the next week both gained remarkable recovery after a few fluctuations for 8th and 9th day having 40,000 and 50,000 visiters respectively, reaching to their peaks of one and a half thousand new viewers for Pop Parade on 11th day showing a contrast of very few people visiting Music choice for the same day. Thereafter Music choice gained popularity on 12th day to 120,000 visitsfor having more than 120,000 new visiters on the webon web. AtIn the end of the period Pop sites received about 170,000 visitswere visited by maximum viewers of 180,000 whereas the Music Choice site received about 75,000 visitswhereas sites located to Music choice were not explored by more than 80,000 explorers on the last day of the report.
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response is strongest in recognizing the broad fluctuations and the late surge in visits to both sites. Its main limitation is unreliable data reporting, including incorrect figures for several days and a major units error at the Pop Parade peak, while frequent language errors make some comparisons difficult to follow. The highest-priority improvement is to trace each line carefully and record accurate values before drafting.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The report presents a general overview and mentions several notable movements, but numerous inaccurate values and unclear comparisons weaken coverage of the graph.
Create a brief table of the two series' starting points, lows, peaks, and endpoints, then use those verified figures for the overview and details.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response broadly follows the days in chronological order, but one long paragraph, overloaded sentences, and inconsistent linking make progression difficult to track.
Use a separate overview and two shorter detail paragraphs, with each sentence covering one clearly defined period or comparison.
Lexical Resource
There is some range in trend vocabulary, but frequent spelling errors, imprecise word choices, and unnatural collocations reduce clarity.
Prioritize accurate graph language such as visits rose, fell, peaked, and remained stable, while checking common words such as people and visitors.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some complex structures are attempted, but frequent errors in sentence boundaries, articles, verb forms, and comparison structures sometimes obscure meaning.
Write shorter complete sentences with clear subjects and verbs, then check each comparison for correct prepositions and clause structure.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.