Some people think that people who choose a job early and keep doing it are more likely to get a satisfying career life than those who frequently change their jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is claimed that people embarking their career early and keep pursuing it for a long time are more likely to gain job satisfaction than those who usually switch their job. From my perspective, I firmly hold the view that though both trends may bring people job satisfactionpleasure in different ways, being loyal to one position would make them more satisfied.
SomeBorne employees have a propensity to change their job since they desire to find their real career passion which is integral to job satisfaction. After some time working in a company, those who find it monotonous to continue staying in the current position may change their career directionchange their direction. By doing this, they have ample opportunities to challenge themselves in different working environments, which enable them toafford them chances to expand their social networksbuild up their social network and a wide range of necessary job skills. For this type of employeeemployees, it is undeniable that a larger professional networka larger circle of network and skills acquisition bring them job satisfactionoccupational pleasures.
However, I believe that the better opportunity for professional promotion by committing to one company is preferable. Long-termtime employees can gain extensiveprofound experience and the trust of their colleaguestrust from other colleagues, especially their superiors who could offer them opportunities to climb the career ladderclimb up on their career ladder. This promotion method is applied in countries with deep-rooted employment norms such as Korea and Japan, where employees follow a fixed promotion pathget a fixed career promotion path based on their length of servicetheir working time and loyalty rather than outstanding performance. Professional advancement can not only secure better salaries for employeessecure employees better salary, allowing them to live a better life, but also help them gain a sense of being highly valuedearn the feelings of being highly esteemed. This is where job satisfaction commonly comes from.
In conclusion, although job changesoccupation switches still offer employee benefits, I opine that people should be loyal to one organization for the prospects for professional promotionthe professional promotion prospect, which would bring them a satisfactory career and secure a better livelihood.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response presents a clear preference, develops the promotion argument in detail, and maintains a logical comparison between job stability and job changing. Its main limitation is lexical precision, as several ambitious phrases sound unnatural or are incorrectly formed, which occasionally weakens an otherwise persuasive discussion. The highest priority is to retain the strong idea development while replacing strained expressions with accurate, idiomatic career-related language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and both career paths are relevantly examined, with the preferred view well developed.
Strengthen the opposing perspective with a similarly specific example before confirming why the preferred view is stronger.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically sequenced, clearly paragraphed, and cohesively moves from the alternative view to the preferred argument.
Refine a few sentence-to-sentence links so that supporting details connect even more directly to job satisfaction.
Lexical Resource
A wide range of topic-specific vocabulary is evident, but several collocations are strained or inaccurately formed.
Prioritise idiomatic combinations such as career advancement and professional fulfilment over elaborate but unnatural phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses varied complex structures with generally good control, despite several errors in parallelism and article use.
Check coordination and noun phrases carefully to eliminate errors when combining verb forms or introducing singular count nouns.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that people who choose a job early and keep doing it are more likely to get a satisfying career life than those who frequently change their jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.