Some people believe when famous people support international aid, it makes the general public think about it. Others think celebrities make the problem less important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Today, it is commonnot rare to see celebrities actively take part in philanthropicphilanthropy activities, giving rise to the term “celebrity humanitarians”. While some people advocate that this development will help raise public awareness ofregarding the issue, others believe celebrities instead make the problem less important than it ought to be. I will discuss both views and then state my opinion.
On the one hand, some people believe celebrities dilute the importance of the problemproblems. There have been many cases where the involvement of a celebrity serves only asonly serves as tabloid materialmaterials rather than educatingeducates the public about the issue, especially when the celebrity’s main motivethe celebrities’ main motive is to promote themselvespromote their name. For example, a model once published a series of nude photographs of herselfa series of her nude photos, citing her opposition to the illegal poaching of animals in Africa as the main motive, but never mentioned anything about how serious the issue of illegal poaching was in subsequentfollowing interviews.
On the other hand, it is undeniable that celebrities are ideal candidates to alert the general public toalert the mass people to the pressing issues, if for no other reason than their large, diverse audiencesunparalleled diverse audiences. The large fan base of famous people is very likely to support the good cause that their idol endorses. In addition, celebrities can attract extensive media coveragegather huge media coverage, and as a result, even people who are not their fans can becomebe aware of the problem. Such ability to attract attentionattention-catching ability is very important for spreadingimportant to spread the message about the need for international aidinternational aid needed.
Having evaluated both sides of the argument, my conclusion is that the charity organizations can harness the celebrities’ star power, at the same time combat the afore mentioned problem by choosing their spoke person wisely, so that the ambassador sincerely has the best interests of the troubled people or animals at heart, and not to divert public attention to himself.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The essay addresses both views directly, sustains a thoughtful position, and supports its discussion with a relevant example and clear reasoning. Its main weakness is linguistic polish: several collocations are unnatural, and a few grammatical or spelling slips appear despite the generally sophisticated control. The highest-priority improvement is to revise awkward noun phrases and parallel structures so the strong argument is expressed with consistently natural precision.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both positions are well developed, and the conclusion offers a clear, nuanced view of how charities can use celebrities responsibly.
Strengthen the positive side further by illustrating a specific instance in which celebrity involvement successfully increased support or awareness.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices and referencing used effectively throughout.
Make the long concluding sentence slightly more concise so its recommendation and qualification are even easier to process.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and often sophisticated, but several combinations such as tabloid materials, mass people, and unparalleled diverse audiences are unnatural.
Check advanced vocabulary for idiomatic collocation and correct compound forms such as spokesperson and aforementioned.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used with generally good control, although parallelism and sentence construction errors occur in a few places.
Review verb parallelism and purpose clauses, especially constructions such as rather than educates and so that followed by and not to.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe when famous people support international aid, it makes the general public think about it. Others think celebrities make the problem less important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.