In the past children were taught how to save money, but today they only learn how to spend it. Do you agree?
Sample Response
Nowadays, children all over the world prefer spending the wealth they have rather than saving it, asrather then saving it which their elders used to do when they were that agewhen they were of their age. With advances in filmmaking, many child starsWith the advent of advancement in movie making many child stars have become millionairesbecame millionaires in no timewith in no time. It is agreed that children choose to spendspent their money rather than savesaving it. This view can be examined throughThis point will be analyzed by taking into account the examples of child celebrities like Paris Hilton and Zain Malik. Firstly, children nowadays consider immediate gratificationtemporary comfort over long time benefits. For instance, consider the famous actor/singer Paris Hilton who duringon her 16th birthday celebrations arrived at her penthouselanded on her penthouse inon a helicopter, which she purchased on her birthday for this purpose only. This example clearly shows that children look at immediate gratification rather than future rewardsimmediate bounty rather then future rewards. Thus, it is evident that children love spending money, while they should be saving it. Secondly, childrenchildren’s have immature mindsa feeble and immature mind and they think that by spending money they can get everything. For example, Zain Malik, the famous lead vocalist of the band “ONE DIRECTION,”Zain Malik the famous lead vocalist of the band “ONE DIRECTION” purchased a diamond wrist watch worth billions of dollars. A watch is just a watch after all. This example shows thatAs this example shows that children have ana immature mind and they need guidance. From this, it is apparent that the little ones favour spending rather thanthen saving. In, after analyzing the fact that children look for immediate benefits rather then future rewards due to their immature thinking. Taking into account both examplesboth the examples it is obvious that children spent their money instead of saving it. It is recommended that parents and guardians should look after their children and guide them.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response maintains a clear agreement throughout and uses a recognisable two-reason structure, so the reader can follow its general direction. However, the reasoning relies on questionable celebrity anecdotes and broad claims that do not convincingly compare children's attitudes now with those in the past, while frequent language errors weaken clarity. The priority is to build each reason with credible, representative evidence and then edit sentence structure and word forms carefully.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained, but the supporting ideas are generalised and the celebrity examples provide weak evidence for claims about children overall.
Use realistic examples and explicitly explain why present-day influences make children more inclined to spend than children in the past.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas follow an introduction, two reasons, and a conclusion, but the absence of paragraphing and formulaic linking weaken progression.
Separate the response into purposeful paragraphs and use linking expressions only where they clarify a genuine relationship between ideas.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts some varied vocabulary, but repeated spelling, word-form, and collocation errors frequently reduce precision.
Correct recurring forms such as 'rather than,' 'spend,' 'within,' and 'long-term benefits,' and avoid exaggerated claims such as 'billions of dollars.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is generally recoverable, but frequent errors with agreement, articles, possessives, verb forms, punctuation, and sentence completeness limit control.
Prioritise complete sentence structures and systematically check subject-verb agreement, articles, and verb forms during proofreading.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In the past children were taught how to save money, but today they only learn how to spend it. Do you agree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.