Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are equally responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
We often hear of an escalating trend in children leading to feeble lifestyles in media. Although many believe that both parents and educational institutes share equal responsibility in addressing this growing problem, I disagree and feel that it is the primary responsibility of parentsutmost responsibility of the parents to change the unhealthy habitsetiquette of adolescents.
Being the primary caretakers, parents spend most of the time with their children and parents' eating habitsparent's eating habits influence them. Parents can become role modelsthe role model for their children, by making healthy choices about which nutritious foods to eatchoices of what nutritious food they should have and physical activities they should participate inphysical activities to participate in that will maintainmain a healthy balance in lifethe equilibrium in life. For instance, if children observe that their parents prefer nutritious mealsmeal toover junk food, exercise regularly to remain fit and participate in different sporting events or physical activities, children'schild habits will change for the better. As guardians and mentorsBeing the guardian and mentor they can be morevery effective than schools in changing their children's lifestyles.their lifestyle.
Furthermore, teaching institutes are primarily focused on providing elementary education to the students. Their job is to focus onconcentrate more on improving their skills, building teamworkteam building, helping them with their courseworkhelp them in their coursework and developing their personalitiesdevelop their personality. They usually have less time to look into their dietary plans or how they behave at home. Moreover, they cannot control what a child does in their spare time.
To conclude, I believe that only parents can effectively address the children's unhealthy lifestylesunhealthy ways of living of children. As primary caretakers, they are close to their children and their responsibility is greatermore than that of schools.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear disagreement throughout and organises a relevant comparison between parental influence and the more limited role of schools. Its main limitation is that the argument is relatively narrow and is repeatedly weakened by inaccurate word choices and grammatical forms. The highest-priority improvement is to extend the reasoning about shared responsibility while revising awkward expressions and sentence-level agreement errors for greater precision.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and supported with relevant reasons about parental influence and schools' limitations, although the discussion is somewhat narrow.
Examine what schools can realistically contribute before explaining more fully why parents should still bear greater responsibility.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a clear introduction-body-conclusion structure, and each paragraph advances a distinct part of the argument.
Strengthen internal progression by connecting each example back to the precise claim about relative responsibility.
Lexical Resource
The writer shows an adequate range of topic vocabulary, but several ambitious choices are inaccurate or unnatural.
Replace expressions such as 'feeble lifestyles,' 'unhealthy etiquette,' and 'main the equilibrium' with precise, conventional wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex forms are mixed with generally clear meaning, but agreement, possessive, comparison, and parallel-structure errors recur.
Review noun agreement and parallel verb forms, especially in long sentences containing lists or comparisons.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are equally responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.