Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys?
Sample Response
These days, a growing number of parents spend money purchasingspend money on purchasing a lot of toys for their children. Some do so because they want to make their children happy, while others believe that it helps their child's intellectual development. Despite good intentions, this trend can have both advantages and drawbacks. The following paragraphs are going to discuss the benefits and drawbacks of children having a large number of toys.
One of the major advantages of giving young children a wider range of toys is the intellectual benefitbenefits it offers. Good toys engage a child's senses, spark the child's imaginationspark their imaginations and encourage them to interact with others. For example, LEGOlego blocks can help preschoolers learn letters, numbers and language skills, while also developing their intellectual abilities. Many toys are made for children's education and developmentchildren's educational and development purposes. For example, blocks, educational computer games, puzzles etc. and they ignite the creativity of children and let them find out their interests. Moreover, these toys can improveit can improve their communication skillsskill by encouraging them to play with those toys alongside other childrenuse those playthings and play with other children. Communication plays an essential role in their livesin our life and the toys can help them have playmates with whom they communicate a lot.
HoweverOn the contrary, children having too many playthings may be have detrimental effectsaffected by some detrimental effects. First, it can make them greedy. For instance, many parents spoil their children by purchasing every toy the children want. This can give them thean impression that they can have anything they wish and their desire to own more toys grows over time. When children get every toy they want, they may not value most of their toyswill not value most of the toys and lose interest easily. This will not offer them any benefits of playing with good toys. Furthermore, too many toys may fostergrow a conformist mentality in a child as the child's immature mindtheir immature minds blindly follow other children's playing styles, activities and characters. This may prevent a child from developingIt does not let a child develop his or her personality and character.
In conclusion, toys play an important role in supporting a child's developmenthelping a child's growth, but too many toys may affect children's psychological development negatively. Therefore, parents should choose useful toys and purchase a reasonable number of toys that they feel are right for their children.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response addresses both sides directly and develops its ideas through relevant explanations and examples, with a clear overall structure. Its main weakness is uneven language control: several awkward collocations, unclear pronoun references, and grammatical slips reduce precision despite meaning remaining clear. The highest-priority improvement is to edit each sentence for accurate agreement, reference, and natural word combinations, especially when introducing examples.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both advantages and disadvantages are addressed clearly, with relevant explanations and examples that develop the main ideas.
Develop the less convincing point about conformity with a more concrete causal explanation or example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through a clear introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a concise conclusion.
Use referencing more precisely so pronouns such as 'it' and 'this' always point to an unmistakable noun or idea.
Lexical Resource
A sufficient range of topic vocabulary conveys the argument, although several collocations are awkward or imprecise.
Replace unnatural combinations such as 'grow a conformist mentality' with precise, idiomatic phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures is used successfully, but agreement, sentence-boundary, and pronoun errors recur.
Proofread complex sentences for complete clause structure and consistent subject-pronoun agreement.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.