Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are the reasons for this behaviour? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?
Sample Response
It is a fact that people are becoming more consumptive and materialistic these days, as many of them purchase luxurious goods or things that they do not really need and debts are common among such people. There are various reasons that have caused the situation and the following essay will discuss them and some of the things that people could do to address the problem. For a number of reasons, many people are facing debt problemsproblem nowadays due to consumerist lifestylesthe consumptive lifestyles. Firstly, with the existence of social media such as Facebook or Instagram, more people are showing off their luxurious goods, take some photos and upload them into the applications and it triggers them to buy fancy stuff. Secondly, with the significant growth in the number of upscale shopping mallselite malls, they encourage people to spendattract people in spending more money on nonessential goodssecondary needs such as fashion, jewellery or gadgets. LastlyAnd lastly, as applying for and obtaining credit cards is easieras applying and obtaining credit cards are easier these days, many people are buying expensive items that cost more than they earnthings which are greater than their income. As a consequence of this hedonistichedonism lifestyle, many people end up withare ended up with serious debt problemsa serious problem of debts. There are several things that people could do to solve the problem. One of them is that there should be clear regulationsa clear regulation about credit cards that must be followed by banks and financial institutions, governing how credit cards are issued to customersregarding the procedure of issuing credit cards to their consumers. It must be ensured that the credit limit givencredit limit that is given to credit card holders is aligned with the individual’s income. Then, instead ofAnd then, instead of adding more malls in the city, the government should focus on building more public parks and children playgrounds. Therefore, people would have more entertainment optionsoptions for entertainments besides going to the shopping centres. In conclusion, it is true that a lot of people are having debt problems, as they purchase luxurious stuff and lead extravagant lifestyleshaving fancy lifestyles. Some of the factors that trigger the problem are due to the effect of social media, the increasing number of shopping malls and the easier procedure in obtaining credit cards. And to solve the issue, the government should make a better regulation about credit card usage and build more public facilities; therefore people have more alternative places to visit beside malls.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response answers both parts of the task with several relevant causes and practical proposals, particularly tighter credit limits and alternative public amenities. Its ideas follow a recognizable sequence, but the single unbroken paragraph, mechanical linking, and frequent grammatical and collocational errors weaken clarity and control. The highest-priority improvement is to divide the essay into purposeful paragraphs and edit sentences for agreement, verb forms, and natural word combinations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Relevant causes and preventive actions are presented and generally explained, although some causal links and the public-parks proposal need fuller justification.
Explain more precisely how each cause produces debt and show why each proposed measure would directly reduce unnecessary spending.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument has a discernible introduction, reasons, solutions, and conclusion, but presenting everything as one paragraph substantially weakens organization.
Use separate paragraphs for the introduction, causes, solutions, and conclusion, with one clear central focus in each.
Lexical Resource
The response has enough topic-related range to express its ideas, but frequent unnatural choices such as ‘consumptive lifestyles’ and ‘options for entertainments’ reduce precision.
Learn and apply natural collocations such as ‘consumerist lifestyle’, ‘luxury goods’, ‘debt problems’, and ‘entertainment options’.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning remains generally clear and some complex forms are attempted, but errors in agreement, verb patterns, articles, plurals, and sentence coordination recur frequently.
Proofread each sentence for subject-verb agreement and parallel verb forms, especially in long clauses linked by ‘and’.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are the reasons for this behaviour? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.