More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that the price increase of fattening foods will solve this problem. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
In this century, obesity is considered a global issue because of its consequences among people of all agesall aged people. Many claim that the rise in the cost of fattening foods couldshould solve this problem. This essay agrees with the statement as the increase in price makes people less affordable to eat out and also, they begin to appreciate food cooked at home.
One main reason for the reduction in consumption of fattening foods is affordability. It is a known fact that children are the major victims of obesity, and they remain affected by the condition as they grow upinherit the condition when they grow up. For instance, the rise in the price of street foodfoods would make the kids stop or eat less as they have minimal pocket money when they study. Hence, they become less accustomedaddicted to the taste and breakovercome the habit in the long run. For adults, higher prices would make themIn adults, the surge in the rates would make them think twice before spendingthink twice to shell out extra money from their hard-earned savings.
Secondly, it is evident that home-cooked foods will be valued. Due to the rise in fast-food pricesgrowth in rates of fast foods, people may eat at home more oftenpeople begin to eat a lot at home in order to save money. Consequently, they understand the real benefits of home-cooked food beyond the financial savingshome foods apart from saving them. The pandemicpandemic period, for example, createdthrew new opportunities for families to try new dishes and taste them. This paved the waypaved way to trytest their taste buds with a variety of foods that are still healthy. Subsequently, they realized that home-cooked foodhome-based foods could be delicious, which can indirectly createindirectly creates a healthy eating habit.
To conclude, higher fast-food prices can contribute to a healthier societythe surge in the rates of fast foods is a blessing for a healthier world. This is due to the lack of affordability and their greater appreciation ofthe high value and respect they give to home-cooked foods.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response has a clear position and an easy-to-follow structure built around affordability and greater reliance on home cooking. Its main limitation is that some support is only loosely connected to food-price increases, particularly the pandemic example, and several claims about children and healthy home food are overgeneralised. The highest priority is to develop each reason with a direct, credible causal chain showing how higher prices would reduce obesity.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay addresses the question and maintains agreement, but the two main reasons are supported unevenly and sometimes simplistically.
Use one realistic example for each reason and explain every step from higher prices to changed behaviour and lower obesity.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure is clear and the main ideas are easy to locate, though some linking is mechanical or imprecise.
Improve progression by connecting examples directly to their topic sentences and clarifying vague pronoun references such as they and them.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for the topic, but frequent unnatural collocations and word choices weaken precision despite generally clear meaning.
Use more natural expressions such as less able to afford, fast-food prices, and home-cooked meals, and avoid inflated wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex sentences, but recurring problems with articles, complements, and reference prevent consistently accurate control.
Edit for missing articles, accurate verb patterns, and clearer noun references, especially in sentences describing affordability and home cooking.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that the price increase of fattening foods will solve this problem. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.