The availability of entertainment such as video games on handheld devices is harmful to individuals and to the society they live in. To what extent do you agree and disagree?
Sample Response
The increasing popularity of entertainment on portable devices is believed to have a negative effect on individuals and society. I thinkIn my opinion, I think this development has both benefits and drawbacks.
To begin with, the availability of entertainment on handheld devices is advantageous in many ways. From an individual perspective, video games and other types of entertainment serve as excellent ways to relaxrelaxation tools for people who suffer from high levels of work-related stress. These convenient sources of entertainment allow people to destress whenever they want, either during breaks or after a long day at work, without having any impact on their productivity. Also, many mobile games help create global communities of people who share the same interestshelp to create global communities for people sharing the same interests. For example, PUBG Mobilemobile has successfully hosted international events and competitions, and thus connected millions of playersconnected millions of players together from around the worldfrom all around the world.
Beneficial as it may be, entertainment on handheld devices can bring about several negative effectsimpacts. Since video games are addictive, many young people these days spend too much time on their devicesand therefore isolate, and therefore isolate themselves from their families and friends. This lack of face-to-face interaction not only hurts many real-life relationships but also increases the risk of mental health issues among young peopleamong the youth. In addition, when people waste large amounts of time on video games, they tend to be less physically active, which can eventually lead to a society with widespread sedentary lifestylesa society of people leading sedentary lifestyles. Lack of exercise over a long period of time makes people vulnerable to metabolic diseases such as obesity, causing the deterioration of health and burdening a country’s healthcare system.
In conclusion, although the accessibility of entertainment on portable devices can result in many health risks, itthey can also be effective stress relievers for many people, and encourage networking among like-minded individualsencourage the networking of like-minded individuals across the globe.
TR: 7.0 CC: 8.0 LR: 8.0 GRA: 9.0
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its fluent, well-organised development of both the social benefits and the health-related harms of portable entertainment, with relevant causal explanation. Its main limitation is that the position remains a balanced list rather than a precise answer about the extent of agreement; the highest priority is to state which side ultimately carries more weight and sustain that judgement through the conclusion.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Relevant benefits and harms are developed convincingly, but the thesis and conclusion do not specify the extent to which the writer agrees with the claim.
Give a clear degree of agreement and explicitly weigh the benefits against the more serious individual and social harms.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses smoothly through well-focused paragraphs, with effective logical links within and between ideas.
Make the final paragraph synthesize the two sides in the same priority order established by the thesis.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and precise, particularly in the discussion of stress, social isolation, sedentary lifestyles, and healthcare burdens.
Remove minor redundancy in phrases such as connected millions of players together and choose the most economical precise wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response demonstrates flexible control of complex clauses and varied sentence patterns, with only isolated lapses.
Correct the pronoun reference in the conclusion so accessibility is not followed by the plural pronoun they.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
The availability of entertainment such as video games on handheld devices is harmful to individuals and to the society they live in. To what extent do you agree and disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.