Some people say that people should have a different amount of holidays according to their job. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
Industrialisation and remarkable improvements in productivityThe development of industrialisation and the amazing improvement of working efficiency give people more opportunitiesrender people more chances to enjoy holidays in the current society. Suppose you are making a trip to a place totally strange to you, the first thing you do is to find yourself accommodation and lodging. But you will feel disappointed when you discover thatthe moment you arrive at the situation that all the hotels, restaurants, stores and even banks are closed because of an important holiday, such as Christmas Dayday or Thanksgiving. At this moment, you are as isolated as Robinson Crusoein the same boat as Robinson Crusoe, who was abandoned on a lonely island without any help or hope.
To avoid this inconvenienceerase the embarrassment, some corporations and governments work out some flexible and feasible holiday policies, for people's convenienceproviding people with convenience. Shift workShifting is often adopted by factories and manufacturers because it guarantees timely fulfilment of production targets and completion of ordersfulfilment of production targets and orders on the one hand and gives employees sufficient time for relaxation on the other. If needed, employees have to work overtime, with a bonus as compensationwith a bonus as a compensation for the holiday they missed. For banks and other service providersbanks and other public services, things are quite different. Holidays are prime time for supermarkets, department stores, restaurants and retailers. Some people like holding parties or having feasts with their friends at the weekend and other people prefer to go shopping in department stores, which generates substantial profits for retailerswhich will take great profits to merchandisers. To handle large cash flowsWith large amounts of cash flow, banks must remainkeep open from Monday to Sunday. Teachers enjoy very long holidays during an academic year because they can prepare their lectures and lessons for the new semester and relax during the holidays. Long holidays are not only beneficial to teachers' healthteachers health but also to studentsbut also to the students. Considering the different characteristics of people's jobsjob, I think that different people should have different amounts of holidays. At first sightAt the first sight, this idea sounds unfair. But on second thoughts, it is reasonable and understandable.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response offers a relevant range of occupational examples and ultimately states a clear view that holiday entitlement should vary by job. However, the lengthy travel scenario and loosely connected discussion of opening hours weaken the directness and depth of the argument. Prioritise an explicit position in the introduction, then organise two focused reasons explaining why particular job demands justify different holiday allowances.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear final position and several relevant occupational examples address the task, but the position is delayed and some discussion shifts from holiday amounts to service opening hours.
State the extent of agreement immediately and develop each body point around why a specific type of work warrants more or less leave.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress from public convenience to different employment sectors, although two oversized paragraphs and some abrupt topic shifts weaken the organisation.
Use a separate paragraph for each main reason and add transitions that make the relationship between examples explicit.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonably broad vocabulary, but frequent awkward collocations such as granting chances, erasing embarrassment, and taking profits reduce precision.
Choose conventional collocations and simpler exact wording when discussing leave entitlement, staffing, and commercial demand.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the main meaning, but recurring article, possessive, agreement, and sentence-control errors limit accuracy.
Proofread complex sentences for complete clause boundaries and systematically check articles, plurals, possessives, and subject-verb agreement.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that people should have a different amount of holidays according to their job. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.