Humans are basically selfish. Write an essay about 300 words to state that whether you agree or disagree. Provide examples and illustrations to support your viewpoint.
Sample Response
Humans are often said to beare advocated to be fundamentally self-absorbed. From my perspective, I disagree with this claimvoice disapproval of the aforementioned, becausein that I believe the view is rather one-sided as mankind’s natural inclination does not revolve solely arounddoes not only revolve around egoism.
In the first place, it is human beings that are intrinsically defined by benevolence and altruism. In other words, people are born with an innate capacity to expressborn to innately express empathy and consideration towards each other, especially in crises, thereby overcoming selfish impulsesthus transcending their sheer selfishness. For example, though modern life has been characterised by separation and individualitydistinctive for separateness and individuality, the opposite is evidentthe complete opposite is witnessed during the pandemicamid the pandemic situation. People of all ages and social backgrounds endeavour to take part in the fightpartake in the fight against Covid-19, even if it means a great deal of self-sacrifice. This demonstrates an admirable moral qualitymarks a praiseworthy feature of morality that has endured for thousands of years since our ancestors’ time.
What is more, selfishness is not so much inherent as it is conditioned by extrinsic factors. That is, in the cut-throat world of power and possessions taking priority over other concernspower and possessions’ taking priorities over others, external pressures concerning social statusthe so-called social status and self-sufficiency drive people to become more self-centred, at times resulting in their neglect of others. For instance, in such cases, due to either harsh economic situations or market saturation, intense competition rather than collaboration is fostered among businessesis facilitated among enterprises nowadays. Hence, businesses are unwilling to support one anothersalvage each other without any ulterior motives should one suffer financially. This substantiates the claim that selfishness is often brought about by certain circumstances with which human beings’ instinct has nothing to do.
All things considered, it would be irrational if human beings are described as fundamentally selfishhuman beings are dismissed as being basically selfish. Therefore, I am unsupportive of the statement, believing that altruism and benevolence are here to stay, as they have done over the past thousand yearsas have done in the past thousand years of evolution.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response takes an unequivocal position and supports it through two logically distinct arguments, with the pandemic example providing especially effective illustration. Its main limitation is that ambitious, highly formal wording repeatedly produces unnatural collocations and a few strained grammatical constructions. The highest-priority improvement is to express the same reasoning in more idiomatic language, particularly when describing social pressures and the behaviour of businesses.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear throughout, and both the altruism and external-conditioning arguments are relevant, extended, and supported.
Make the business example more explicitly representative of human behaviour so its connection to the central claim is fully convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically sequenced, clearly paragraphled, and cohesively guides the reader from claim to illustration and inference.
Reduce formulaic transitions such as In the first place, What is more, and That is where the logical connection is already evident.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide and ambitious, but several conspicuous collocations are unnatural despite the generally precise meaning.
Prefer idiomatic wording for phrases such as humans are advocated, possessions taking priorities, and businesses salvaging each other.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A varied range of complex sentences is generally controlled, though several awkward constructions and agreement errors remain noticeable.
Edit strained structures such as as have done and possessions taking priorities, while retaining the effective range of complex forms.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Humans are basically selfish. Write an essay about 300 words to state that whether you agree or disagree. Provide examples and illustrations to support your viewpoint.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.