Some people believe that family has the greatest influence on children’s development while others think that other areas such as television and friends have a greater influence. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
It is often argued Delete\topic that familyFamily is a pillar of society and plays a vital role in children’s developmentkids’ growth, whereas others believe that television and friends exert a greater influencewhereas others have different views and TV and friends have a major influence on them. In my opinion, Family significantly impacts toddlers’ expansion as they spend more time with them and learn from them. Children, especially teenagers and other young peopleteenagers and youngsters, are influenced by their familieshave an impact from Family but even more by external factorsbut more from outside, like friends, their environment, and teachersfriends, environment, and teachers.
Parents have a profound impactextraordinary impacts on their children’s growth, especially in supporting healthy developmentshaping a good childhood. Teach them the value of Family, relationships, and responsibility in a child by parents, and it plays an influential role in their maturity. Love and attention from parents help a child develop a strong characterdevelop a strong character in a child, while the lack of proper parenting can undermine that developmentoften ruins it. Children mostly mimic their parents and become more like them. Undoubtedly, this tendencythis single fact proves how important it is for a child to have a family and good parenting.
To become successful and confident in life, children need to attend schoolwe need to study in a school, interact with teachers and neighbours, have friends, face challenges, learn from theirour environment, and gain social experienceexperiences. All those factorsAnd all those factors have crucial roles to play in a child’s life. Outside the home, children encounter different situations that teach them how to solve their own problems. Children learn these skills in schools which help them to have an everyday life beyond their family borders.
To conclude, while parents significantly impact children’s attitudes and growth, social interactions and external factors are also important. They cannot be overlooked inignored for a child’s overall development.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response discusses both family influence and external influences through relevant, logically separated ideas, and its central message remains understandable. The main limitation is an unclear position: the introduction first favours family, then appears to favour outside influences, while the conclusion only says both matter. The highest-priority improvement is to state one consistent comparative opinion and support it explicitly throughout the essay.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views receive relevant discussion, but the writer's own comparative position is inconsistent and insufficiently developed.
State clearly which influence is greater, then use the body analysis and conclusion to justify that same position.
Coherence and Cohesion
The paragraph structure is logical and progression is generally clear, although some sentence links and internal sequencing are awkward.
Create a clearer progression within each body paragraph by moving from a focused claim to explanation and a concrete illustration.
Lexical Resource
The response shows sufficient range for the topic, but several inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Replace expressions such as toddlers' expansion, have an impact from, and family borders with natural, context-appropriate phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence forms is attempted, but recurring errors in sentence construction, pronoun reference, and capitalization remain noticeable.
Prioritize complete clause structures and unambiguous pronoun references, especially when explaining what parents teach children.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that family has the greatest influence on children’s development while others think that other areas such as television and friends have a greater influence. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.