Parents are putting a lot of pressure on their children to succeed. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
It is observed that children are pressuredcompelled to succeed by their parents. This stems from parents wantingThis comes down to these parents wanting the best possible outcomes for their offspring and societal expectations. However, I contend that this may be a largely negative developmentmore of a negative development since it will place excessive stressmuch undue stress on children. To begin with, there are numerous reasons why parents are pressuring their children to succeed. FirstFor one, they want to secure their children's futuresecure their future. They desire what is best for them which usually means performing welland that usually is to perform well in school bythrough achieving high grades. Parents believe that if their children do so, they canif their children can do that, then they can grow up to be well-adjusted adults who will pursuesecure a lucrative career in the future. Another contributing factor is societal expectations and comparisons with peerscomparisons to fellow peers. Since a child’s achievements are usually a reflection of their family’s social statusreflective of their family’s social status, this encourages parentsthis has encouraged parents to pressure their childrencoerce their offspring to surpass their peers to maintain or bolster their family’s reputation. Nevertheless, this pressure to succeed can cause children debilitating stressa debilitating amount of stress. Under such pressureWith that pressure placed on them, they may push themselves to succeed and fulfil their parents’ high expectations. However, they may fail to meet those expectationsthere is the possibility of not meeting those expectations and that can influence a child’s mental state, as they can experience stress that may develop into anxietyfeelings of stress which can further develop into anxiety. Those feelings may intensifycan be further exacerbated if they fail to meet those expectationsif that possibility is realized, which can lead to more serious consequencesworse consequences such as mental breakdowns. Thus it is valid to say that this push to succeed from their parents can be crippling on children. In conclusion, children are pressured to succeed by their parents out of them wanting the best outcomes for their offspring as well as expectations society has placed on them. However, this can put children under a great amount of stress. Therefore, parents should learn to be more understanding if their progeny do not succeed and encourage them to keep trying.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response answers both questions directly, develops two credible reasons for parental pressure, and explains the negative mental-health consequences in a sustained way. Its major limitation is presentation as one uninterrupted paragraph, which obscures an otherwise logical progression; the highest-priority improvement is to separate the introduction, reasons, evaluation, and conclusion into purposeful paragraphs while trimming repeated references to pressure and stress.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts are fully addressed with a clear negative judgement, two explained causes, and a well-developed account of the consequences for children.
Make the evaluation still more convincing by adding a concrete illustration of how sustained pressure affects a child's performance or wellbeing.
Coherence and Cohesion
The reasoning follows a clear sequence and uses cohesive devices effectively, but the entire essay appears as one paragraph despite several distinct stages of argument.
Use separate paragraphs for the introduction, causes, negative effects, and conclusion, each centred on one clear function.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a broad and generally precise academic range, although some combinations are awkward or redundant, including “much undue stress” and “fellow peers.”
Edit for natural collocation and concision, particularly where elevated vocabulary repeats an idea already expressed.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are frequent and mostly accurate, with good control of subordination despite occasional awkward reference and clause construction.
Clarify pronoun references and simplify overextended sentences where repeated relative clauses make relationships less precise.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Parents are putting a lot of pressure on their children to succeed. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.