Some people say part-time jobs are useful for full-time students because they not only earn money but also gain career experience. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
The growing population has exacerbated the intensity of competitionstiffness of the competition these days. Owing to this, the means of survival has made the livelihood onerous for the people. To ease this burdenTo assuage the same, students have started resorting to part-time jobs to provide for themselves. I consider this a positive developmentI consider it as a positive impact and in the forthcoming paragraphs, I shall be presenting my reasonsputting forth the reasoning for that.
The first positive aspect of this is to earn some money to cover daily living expensesget going with daily life activities. Many students and young people, due to various factors such asfactors like family problems, cultural differences, and so forth, have to live independentlyare somehow reduced to living all by themselves. In such a scenario, it becomes even more essentialall the way more essential for them to start earning to support themselvesto comfortably continue with their endeavours. Also, part-time employment helps them channelhelps them in channeling their acquired theoretical knowledge into the practical domain. People who start earning atfrom a younger age, typically while being a student, fosterfosters within them a sense of responsibility and prudent spending habitsprovidential expenditure of the money. At times, due to increasing human life expectancylife expectancies of humans, the adult sole-bread earners tend to get overburdened by the responsibilities, and therefore, students who earn moneythemselves tend to reduce their financial dependence on older relativespalliate being a liability over the elders.
Moreover, it gives students considerable experiencegives a considerable experience for the students to become familiar withget to terms with the definitions of the corporate work environment and prepare them formake them competent of the future career opportunitiesfuture job perspectives. As is said, people who start working at a younger age tend to not only secure their future for the later stages of their life but it also tends to foster them in getting better career options and stature in the society. In addition to that, it gives them enough options to skim through and select the ones they find themselves most apposite for.
To summarize, students working part-time isthe positive notes of students working as a part-time employee is extremely beneficial and necessary for their life ahead. People contend that while studying, students should only accentuate their studies and education, however, I feel it’s the best practice for students to go find employment especially, in their relevant field of studies for the understanding and implementation of knowledge that they acquire while still being in a college.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response clearly supports part-time work and covers both earning money and gaining useful career experience through a purposeful paragraph structure. Its main limitation is that frequent strained vocabulary and loosely controlled complex sentences obscure several explanations and make the argument sound less precise. The highest priority is to express each reason in direct, idiomatic language and support it with a concrete, relevant example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The writer presents a consistent opinion and addresses both stated benefits, though some supporting explanations are indirect or only generally developed.
Add a concrete example for each main benefit and remove tangential claims about population and life expectancy.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a recognizable logical sequence and clear paragraphing, but some long sentences and loosely connected ideas disrupt flow.
Build each body paragraph around one precise claim and sequence its explanation and example more directly.
Lexical Resource
There is an ambitious range of vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce clarity and naturalness.
Prefer precise, familiar academic wording and verify the meaning and collocation of less common words before using them.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex structures, but agreement, article, pronoun, and clause-control errors occur regularly.
Shorten overloaded sentences and systematically check subject-verb agreement, articles, and pronoun references.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say part-time jobs are useful for full-time students because they not only earn money but also gain career experience. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.