In many countries today the retirement age from work has been raised. Do the advantages of raising the retirement age from work outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
In several nations, there has been an increase in the retirement age of employees. In my opinion, the benefits of this phenomenon, such as a larger skilled workforce,phenomenon such as a larger skilled workforce are overshadowed by the drawbacksdemerits relating to health issues among older peoplehealth issues of the elderly and youth unemployment rates. The main drawback of raising the retirement age is related to health issues. Specifically, a higher retirement age could result in a significant number of older people who are more likely to suffer from age-related diseases continuing to work, which can make it difficult for them to perform their tasks. For instance, older construction workers prone to arthritis may struggle to operatestruggle with operating heavy machinery or transporting building materials. This can negatively impact their productivity and the progress of the construction project. Another disadvantage of a higher retirement age is that it could restrict job opportunities for younger individuals. If older people remain in the workforce for longerfor a longer time, companies may not need to hire new staff. This scenario could reducedecrease employment prospects for the younger generation, potentially leading to higher youth unemployment rates. Take Vietnam as a prime example. The authorities implemented policies to raise the retirement age of male employees from 60 to 62 in 2023, which partially contributed to an increase in the country’s youth unemployment rateyoung unemployment levels in the following year. However, raising the retirement age has several advantages, one of which is retaining skilled workers. Older workers often have greater experience in their fields than their younger counterparts. Thus, by raisingextending the retirement age, enterprises can continue to benefit from the knowledge and expertise of older employees. For example, these senior employees can lead training sessions to share their experience with new staff. In conclusion, while increasing the retirement age can keep experienced employees in the workforce, I maintain that its disadvantages are greater due to the health concerns and limited employment prospects for young peopleyoungsters. Therefore, to maintain a healthy workforce, governments should keep the retirement age at 60 or belowunder.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response addresses the comparison directly, sustains a clear position, and develops both sides with specific, relevant examples. Its main limitation is presentation as a single block, which weakens the visibility of the otherwise logical progression, while a few collocations are slightly awkward. The priority is to divide the argument into purposeful paragraphs and refine occasional word choices without losing the essay’s directness.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay fully addresses the question with a consistent position and well-developed, relevant reasons and examples on both sides.
Sharpen the final weighing by explicitly comparing the retained expertise benefit with the combined health and employment costs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas follow a clear logical sequence and cohesive links are effective, but the entire response is presented as one paragraph.
Separate the introduction, each main argument, and the conclusion into purposeful paragraphs to make progression immediately visible.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally precise, with only occasional slightly awkward combinations such as references to youth unemployment levels.
Refine the few less natural collocations while preserving the response’s accurate topic-specific vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence structures is used accurately, with errors rare and communication consistently clear.
Continue refining sentence rhythm by varying the openings and lengths of explanatory sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries today the retirement age from work has been raised. Do the advantages of raising the retirement age from work outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.