For many people shopping unwanted things is just a form of entertainment.
Sample Response
It is observed that people spend their leisure time engaging in one activity or anotherperforming one or other activity. For example,However, some individuals enjoy shopping in their free time. Some people consider purchasing items for enjoyment to have positive outcomesconsider purchasing items for enjoyment has positive outcomes while others dispute this viewrefute this claim. Both these views will be examinedcritiqued before reaching a reasoned conclusion.
On the one hand, there isare a group of people who consider shopping to have benefitsconsider shopping has benefits. The primary reason for believing this is the fact that with the increase in the consumers in the market, there will be growth in the job opportunities. In other words, the problem of unemployment will be ceased to a greater extent. This will not only help job seekers to fulfil their own and their families'their and family's day to day needs but also decrease the crime rate within the country.
On the other hand, some people believe that shopping for the sake of amusementshopping for sake of amusement has many negative effects on society. People who tend to buyhave a tendency of buying things on a daily basison daily basis just for fun end up buying many unwanted things, thereby causing a waste of resourcesthereby, causing wastage of resources. In addition to this, people involved in shopping do not realise the importance of time in developing bonds with family members. This, it is obvious that considering shopping as entertainment not only results in wastage of assets but also wastage of precious time.
Therefore, it is hard to see how anyone can support the idea of shopping during leisure timein ideal time after analysingfollowing the analysing both points of viewviews on this topic. It is felt that it would be best to minimise market time and consume the same for improving relations.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay has a recognisable two-sided structure and reaches a clear conclusion against treating unnecessary shopping as entertainment. Its main limitation is control: the economic and social arguments remain general, and frequent collocation and grammar errors make several sentences, especially the conclusion, difficult to follow. Prioritise developing one concrete example for each side and rewriting the position in direct, accurate language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response considers relevant economic and social effects and reaches a discernible position, but its main claims are broad and only partly developed.
Support each side with a concrete example and explain more directly how buying unwanted items for entertainment creates that effect.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction, opposing body paragraphs, and conclusion create clear overall progression, although formulaic transitions and an opaque final sentence weaken local flow.
Use direct topic sentences and restate the final position plainly instead of relying on a heavily compressed concluding sentence.
Lexical Resource
There is enough topic vocabulary to discuss the issue, but frequent inaccurate combinations such as 'unemployment will be ceased' and 'minimise market time' sometimes obscure meaning.
Replace forced expressions with natural choices such as 'reduce unemployment', 'shopping for entertainment', and 'spend less time shopping'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay attempts a range of sentence forms, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, verb patterns, and clause construction reduce clarity.
Correct core patterns such as 'a group of people considers', 'shopping has benefits', and 'after analysing both points of view'.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
For many people shopping unwanted things is just a form of entertainment.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.