In some cultures, children are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
Sample Response
In some countries, children are taught that hard work will help them achieve their goals. In my opinion, this message can inspire and motivate them to overcome hardships, but at the same time, it can cause unrealistic expectations and disappointmentdelusion and disappointment.
On the one hand, teaching children that hard work can guarantee success has several advantages. To start with, this message can motivate children, especially those who believe that innate talent determines successinnate talents determine success. For example, when learning a second language, which is a challenging and time- consuming process, children need to truly understand that hard work, rather than talent, ishard work, and not talents, is essential for improving proficiencyconducive to enhancing proficiency. That way, they cancould stay motivated and keep on learning when they encounter setbacks. More importantly, the value of hard workthe role of valuing hard work goes beyond being a mere source of motivation. It can also help children to develop a positive mentality and improve their resilience, all of which are necessary in their adult livesfor their adult life.
On the other hand, the biggest disadvantage of the notion that diligence ensures success is that it may mislead children into spending too much time and effort on tasks in whichon the tasks in which hard work plays little role. For example, a child wanting to be a professional singer may waste time on voice training without considering their lack of musical talenttalents but may still hope that they willbut still hope that they may achieve success one day. Similarly, most painters need to have a great and unique sense of aesthetics, which is considered a rare talentwhich is considered as a rare talent and therefore cannot be acquired through hard work. Believing that hard work alone is enough can breed frustration, delusion, or even mental illness.
In conclusion, teaching children that hard work will always result in success is a great way to motivate them when they face difficultiesmotivate them through hardships. Nevertheless, such teaching may produce undesirable outcomes in situations where hard work is not the key.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response gives a clear, balanced examination of the message's benefits and risks, using well-chosen examples and a consistently logical structure. Its main limitation is occasional overstatement and imprecise wording, particularly when treating talent as fixed or linking hard work to mental illness. The highest-priority improvement is to qualify these claims and express them with greater lexical precision.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both advantages and disadvantages are fully addressed with a clear position, relevant explanation, and specific examples.
Qualify the broad claims about innate talent and mental illness so the reasoning remains persuasive and proportionate.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are sequenced clearly in well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices support progression without obscuring the argument.
Vary internal transitions slightly and tighten the move between each example and its broader implication.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a broad and generally precise vocabulary, with only occasional awkward choices and collocations.
Use more exact phrasing for ideas such as false expectations and psychological distress, avoiding words like 'delusion' where they overstate the point.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence forms is handled with strong control, while a few agreement and phrasing errors remain.
Polish plural agreement, relative-clause reference, and constructions such as 'considered a rare talent' for greater accuracy.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
In some cultures, children are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.