Given high unemployment rate, it is recommended that the government only provide primary education and no secondary education. What do you think?
Sample Response
It is believed that countries which have high unemployment rates should only offer primary education and that extendingprimary education; and extending secondary education to students who are not likely to find work in the future is a hopeless attempt. I personally consider this to be a flawed argument, and I will explain my reasoning in the essay below.
Important as it is to a child’s overall development, primary education does not provide any necessary work skills. The fundamental aim of this early stage of education is simply to lay the foundationlay a basis for a student’s cognitive development through the study of languages, the arts, and basic sciencethrough the learning of language, art and basic science. People who complete this level of education are not equipped with the necessary skills and knowledge to enter the workforce. While those people may find blue-collar employment, it is unlikely that they can get a decent job. Therefore, if a country with a high unemployment ratelevel only offers primary education to the majority of students, the policy will not be effectiveoutcome will not be worthwhile.
Furthermore, I would argue that investing in secondary schooling systems and providing secondary education to young peopledelivering secondary education to young students are of greater importance when it comes to improving the overall employment rate of a country. In fact, nowadays, many middle and high schools hire a large number of people with secondary-school qualificationssecondary education degree holders who work well with younger studentswork better with younger age groups and are more familiar with the subjects taught at this level of education. There are also many other non-academic careers in the beauty and entertainment industriesmany other types of non-academic careers, such as in the beauty and entertainment industries, that only require a secondary-school qualificationa secondary education degree. Last but not least, I believe that we should not restrict secondary education to a certain group of students who are deemed eligible because everyone deserves an equal opportunity to access education.
In conclusion, I disagree that providing only primary education is the best course of actionbest course of action to be adopted in the context of a nation with a high rate of unemployment. Secondary education, on the other hand, is a major contributor to combating unemployment. I also believe that we should not providedispense secondary education to only a select number of students as everyone has the right to be educated.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response gives a direct position, develops it through a coherent progression of educational and employment arguments, and demonstrates strong control of complex language. Its main limitation is that one employment example is factually questionable and several phrases are imprecise; the highest-priority improvement is to use more credible evidence and exact terminology when explaining how secondary education affects employability.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The task is fully addressed with a consistent position and several developed reasons, although the example about school employment is not wholly convincing.
Support the employment argument with a realistic example that accurately distinguishes secondary qualifications from professional teaching credentials.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organized, with clear paragraph purposes, effective progression, and cohesive devices that are generally well controlled.
Reduce reliance on formulaic transitions and make the link between each example and the paragraph claim as direct as possible.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide and generally precise, but phrases such as secondary education degree and dispense secondary education show occasional collocational inaccuracy.
Use exact educational terminology and check verb-noun combinations, particularly when describing qualifications, access, and employment outcomes.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide variety of complex structures is handled accurately, and the few punctuation or phrasing lapses do not impede communication.
Polish punctuation around coordinated clauses and revise the occasional awkward construction while preserving the strong range of sentence forms.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Given high unemployment rate, it is recommended that the government only provide primary education and no secondary education. What do you think?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.