Some people say that giving a smaller amount of money weekly to children will help them become more capable as they grow older. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Nowadays, a growing number of people encourage parents to give their children a small amount of pocket money each weekgrant a small amount of pocket money weekly to their children. This is because they believe that giving money each weekgiving weekly money to young children would enhance their financial management skills in future. However, some childcare organisations and guardians ask parents to avoid giving money to their childrenjuvenile. They claim that handing over money to their children at an early agetheir adolescents in early age might have deleterious impacts. However, I strongly assert that children have the right to receive a small amount of money each weeka lump sum amount of money weekly so that they can readily fulfil their personal needsnecessities and can learn better money management from an early agefrom an early stage of their life. Firstly, it is intuitively obvious that teenagers who receive weekly pocket money from their parents can become experts in financialfinance management in later lifethe future life. Additionally, they involve practically in financial matters and since they have limited amount they persist and strive in order to accomplish all their necessities without crossing financial boundaries. FurthermoreAlternatively, granting money to children on a weekly basis hasgranting money to offspring on a weekly basis have other numerousuncountable benefits such as they become familiar with how to bargainthe methodology of bargaining. Moreover, children who want to buy a specific toy or gadget for themselves start accumulating money in their savings boxesfantastic treasure boxes. As a result, they can begin to learnprimarily go through the sophisticated process of saving money. Ultimately, it is importantextremely fundamental for parents to allocate a small budget weekly for their children because children's needs are as important as adults' needschildren's necessities are as mandatory as elder's. On top of this, the biggest demerit of not delivering pocket money to children is that they become victimsthey become a victim of an inferiority complexinferiority complexity. Last but not the least, they often create social distances from their friends and family members. On the contrary, it is undoubtedly acknowledged that children who start possessing money in their younger ages can instantly involve in illegal activities and bad habits. For instance, drinking alcoholic beverages, taking drugs and smoking require money and children who have money can incline to these bad habits. There are ample evidence to suggest that children who receive extra cash for their necessities are highly likely to commit crimes and get involved in bad habits. In conclusion, although offspring who do not grab a single penny from their parents are somewhat protected from getting into bad habits like smoking and alcoholic addictions, but in my opinion, parents should provide freedom to their kids in terms of purchasing their favourite and desired products and gadgets. As a result, they would probably become experts in purchasing, financial management, saving as well as bargaining.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response gives a clear, consistent opinion and develops several relevant benefits of weekly pocket money, while also acknowledging a possible risk. The main limitation is that the entire essay forms one mechanically linked paragraph and contains frequent awkward word choices and grammatical slips; the highest priority is to group the argument into purposeful paragraphs and express each claim in simpler, more natural language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear agreement position is sustained and supported through budgeting, saving, bargaining, and independence, with a relevant counterargument considered.
Strengthen the argument by explaining the strongest benefits in greater depth and avoiding exaggerated claims about deprivation or crime.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas follow a generally logical sequence, but the absence of paragraphing and heavy use of mechanical linking expressions weaken organisation.
Divide the response into an introduction, focused supporting paragraphs, a brief counterargument, and a concise conclusion.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates broad vocabulary, but frequent inappropriate collocations and imprecise word choices make the style unnatural.
Choose familiar, exact expressions for financial skills and child development instead of forcing elaborate synonyms into unsuitable contexts.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is a range of sentence structures, yet agreement, article, plural, and clause-combination errors occur regularly throughout.
Proofread each sentence for subject-verb agreement and avoid double-linking patterns such as combining although with but.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that giving a smaller amount of money weekly to children will help them become more capable as they grow older. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.