Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 per cent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. To what extent do you agree?
Sample Response
Most high-ranking positions in companies are filled by menare being filled by men, althoughdespite that more than 50 per cent of the employees are women in many high-income countriesin a lot of high-income countries. Companies should be requiredforced to allocatedispense a certain proportion of these posts to women. This essay fullytotally agrees with this statement because doing this,because, by doing this, the overallrelative level of competence in the company as well as the ability to cooperate would increase.
By allocating a certain percentage of high-level positionsallocating a certain per cent of high-level positions to women, companies would achieve a higher level of competencereach a higher competence level. This is because many suitably qualified womena lot of women with the right competence are overlooked, since the tradition of appointing male executives is very strongthe tradition of male executives are very strong. Quota-based recruitmentAllocated recruitment would result in highly competent women rather than mediocre menwomen with high competence rather than mediocre men in those high-level positions. For example, an audit of the relative competence level in one of the biggest investment banks in Sweden showed a significant increase after itthey decided to allocate at least 40 per cent of their leading positions to women.
Companies with gender equality show better cooperation. In other words, both male and female leaders are needed in a company because men and women contribute different perspectives to group dynamicscontribute with different aspects to the group dynamics. For example, in space shuttles the crew is always formed with a certain per cent of both female and male crewmembers, since cooperation is so vital.
In conclusion, this essay totally agrees with the statement that companies should be obliged to appoint women to a certain percentage of leadership positionsrecruit women for a certain percentage of the leading positions because this is a way of increasing both the level of competence and cooperation within the companythe cooperation in the company.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay maintains a clear position throughout and supports it with two distinct, logically sequenced reasons, making the argument easy to follow. The competence argument is developed more convincingly than the cooperation argument, whose space-shuttle example offers only indirect support, and several otherwise ambitious word choices are imprecise. The highest-priority improvement is to deepen the second reason with a workplace-specific causal explanation and use more natural collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A consistent position is supported by two relevant reasons, although the second reason and its example are less fully developed and persuasive.
Explain more specifically how gender-diverse leadership improves workplace cooperation and support this with a directly relevant company example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is clearly organised, and each paragraph advances one central idea with effective overall progression.
Strengthen the logical connection between the cooperation claim and its example rather than relying on a loosely analogous context.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied for the argument, but phrases such as 'dispense a certain proportion' and 'allocated recruitment' are imprecise or unnatural.
Use established workplace collocations such as 'reserve a proportion of posts' and 'quota-based recruitment' more consistently.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex sentences is handled with generally good control, despite occasional errors in agreement and clause construction.
Check subject-verb agreement and refine awkward constructions such as 'despite that' and 'contribute with different aspects'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 per cent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. To what extent do you agree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.