Nowadays young people are admiring media and sports stars, even though they do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
The younger generation has great admirationThe younger generation are having great admiration for media and sport celebrities although they are not perfect role modelsrole models to follow. In my view, this could be seen as detrimental.
From one perspectivestandpoint, emulating famous entertainment stars might spark changes in patternsspark changing patterns of fashion and behavior among young adults who are not mature enough to judge what is suitable inwithin their society. As a matter of factAs matter of fact, they show a propensity for copying what those stars say or do on TV, even if their actions go against the cultural valuesvalue of some communitieslocalities. Regarding fashion, the way Dam Vinh Hung, who is a renowned Vietnamese singer, dresses could mark the beginning ofwould be the onset of a modern yet rather unacceptable trend of fashion that exposes skinwith exposed skin. Unfortunately, the young have yet to understand the long-term shortcomings of such a trend to traditional way of dressing which values the beauty and elegance of clothes such as the Ao Dai.
Additionally, such reverence for entertainment celebrities could threatensuch reverence for celebrities in the field of entertainment would possibly cause a detriment to social security under certain circumstances. A typical example of this is the chaos during and after Korean singers and musical bands’ show in Vietnam a few years ago when the crowd of fans went uncontrollable, which caused irritation for the locals and also danger to the fans themselves. Furthermore, if their idols were criticized for their scandalscriticized due to their scandals, they would try to downplay the situationsugar-coat the situation or even starttrigger arguments. This would be really difficult for the authoritieschallenging for authorities to maintain security.
In conclusion, I suppose the phenomenon of young people idolizingthe phenomenon that young people idolize media and sports celebritiessport celebrated individuals who are notorious for certain actionsnotorious in some aspects is negative.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response takes a clear negative position and supports it with two logically sequenced, concrete examples concerning cultural influence and public order. Its main limitation is recurring awkward collocation and phrasing, which sometimes makes otherwise relevant ideas sound imprecise; the highest-priority improvement is to use more natural word combinations and tighten the causal explanation linking celebrity admiration to each claimed social consequence.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response presents a clear position and develops two relevant negative effects with specific examples, though some causal claims could be more fully justified.
Explain more precisely how admiration itself produces each consequence and acknowledge the wider reference to both media and sports figures.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organised into focused paragraphs, with clear progression and generally effective cohesion throughout.
Tighten a few long explanatory sentences so that each example connects more directly to its paragraph's central claim.
Lexical Resource
The response demonstrates a good range of less common vocabulary, but recurring awkward or inaccurate collocations reduce naturalness and precision.
Use more idiomatic combinations in places such as have great admiration, cause harm, became uncontrollable, and sports celebrities.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are used frequently and meaning remains clear, although errors with articles, agreement, and complements occur across the response.
Check article use, noun modifiers, and adjective complements carefully, especially in longer sentences containing examples and relative clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays young people are admiring media and sports stars, even though they do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.