The charts below show the percentage of people aged 23-65 in different occupations in one UK town (Ashby) and in the UK as a whole in 2008.
Sample Response
The pie charts illustrateillustrates the occupational distributionemployment status of people aged 23–65aged 23 to 65, in Ashby and the UKin Ashby and in the UK, in 2008.
Overall, the national unemployment rate was lower than the rate in Ashby. Moreover, while office work accounted for the largest share in the UKBritish people generally preferred office work, personal service was the largest occupational categorymost popular profession in Ashby.
The percentage of unemployedjobless people in Ashby was 14%, whereas that recorded in the UK as a wholewhole nation was only 10%. The percentages of Ashby residents employed in office work and shop work wereThe percentage of Ashby residents who were employed in office work and shop work were 18% and 14% respectively, similar to those for the whole of the UKthat of the whole of the UK, at 19% and 13%, respectively19% and 13% respectively.
In addition, the UK recorded a relatively high proportion of citizens employed in technical work, at 17%, while the figure for the same type of employment in Ashby was only about half that, at 9%. Furthermore, the percentagespercentage of construction workers and personal service providers in Ashby, at 16% and 21%, were both higher than the corresponding UK figuresthe corresponding figures of the UK, at 10% and 17% respectively. Lastly, with regardregards to professional occupations, 8% of Ashby residents worked in this categorydid this type of work, compared to 14% of the UK population aged 23–65the whole population.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response gives a clear overview and accurately covers every occupational category, with effective comparisons between Ashby and the UK. Its main limitation is occasional imprecise wording and several agreement errors, although these do not impede understanding. The highest-priority improvement is to use neutral data-description language and check subject-verb agreement, especially when the subject is a singular percentage or chart.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview identifies the principal contrasts, and all seven categories are reported and compared accurately.
Describe the leading categories as the largest proportions rather than suggesting that people preferred particular occupations.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically grouped, progresses clearly from the overview to detailed comparisons, and is linked smoothly.
Reduce the slightly formulaic sequencing of the final paragraph to make the progression even more natural.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of appropriate language for proportions and comparisons, with only occasional imprecision.
Choose exact statistical wording such as largest proportion and avoid imprecise terms such as profession or whole population.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A varied range of complex sentences is handled well, though several subject-verb agreement errors remain.
Check agreement in phrases such as the pie charts illustrate and the percentage was before finalising the response.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The charts below show the percentage of people aged 23-65 in different occupations in one UK town (Ashby) and in the UK as a whole in 2008.
Your response
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