The charts below show the percentage of electricity consumed by different sectors in Eastern Australia in 2007 and 2010.
Sample Response
The pie charts illustrate the percentages of electricity consumedpie charts illustrate electricity consumption by various sectorsfields in Eastern Australia in the years 2007 and 2010in two year 2007 and 2010.
It is clear that the consumption of electricity byfrom those sectors remained unchanged except for Aluminium, Manufacturing and Other metalsOther metal fields over the period shown. Additionally, the shares for the residential and commercial sectorsthe figures for residential and commercial sectors were by far the largestby far largest.
In 2007, the residential sector consumed 28%residential areas consumed 28% of total electricity, while 23% of electricity was consumed for commercialconmmercial purposes. There was 13% of electricity consumed by manufacturing and aluminium sector each, whereas the sharesfigures for other metals and mining were slightly lower, at 12% and 9% respectively. By contrast, electricity consumption from transport and agriculture accounted for only negligible sharesmade up only negligible figures.
In 2010, while the sharepercentage of electricity consumed by other metals rose by six percentage pointsrose significantly by 6%, the shares for aluminium and manufacturingthose of aluminum and manufacturing fields saw a slight fallsfall to 11% and 9% respectively. Interesting, the proportions of electricity consumed by the other sectors were all as similar as initial figures.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response selects the main patterns accurately and efficiently, with a clear overview and generally correct figures for every sector. Its main limitation is imprecise language and grammar, including awkward sector descriptions and a percentage-point increase described simply as a percentage. Prioritize more natural data-reporting phrases and careful control of articles, plurals, and comparison structures while retaining the current concise coverage.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview identifies the dominant and changing sectors accurately, and the details provide sufficient, correct coverage of the chart data.
Describe the rise in other metals as six percentage points and explicitly state the small unchanged shares when space permits.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically organized by overview and year, and its progression is clear despite a few mechanical transitions.
Link the two years through direct comparisons rather than relying mainly on separate chronological descriptions.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate range for reporting proportions and change, but several collocations and word forms are awkward or inaccurate.
Prefer natural phrases such as sectors, accounted for, remained at, and compared with the initial figures.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a mix of sentence forms successfully, although article, plural, adverb, and comparison errors recur.
Proofread agreement and word forms, especially 'two years', 'the largest', 'Interestingly', and comparative structures.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The charts below show the percentage of electricity consumed by different sectors in Eastern Australia in 2007 and 2010.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.