The pie charts below describe average household expenditures by major categories in Japan and Malaysia in 2010.
Sample Response
The presented pie charts compare the household expenditure in Japan and Malaysiaexpenses of Japanese and Malaysian people in five categories of household expenditurefive household categories in 2010. As can be seen from the given illustration, housing in Malaysia required just over one-third of the total cost while transportation in Japan demanded exactly the double cost than that in Malaysia on an average. As is evident from the given diagrams, food expenditure in Malaysia (27%) was slightly higher than in Japan (24%)slightly higher than that of Japan (24%). Different goods and services required the highest expenditure for Japanese while it was food that cost the Malaysian the most. HealthHeath care accounted for 6% of spendingdrained 6% money in Japanfor an average Japanese which was exactly twice the share in Malaysiaexactly double than the cost in Malaysia. However, just over one-third of the money in Malaysia went on housing while it was just over one-fifth in Japan. Malaysian householdspeople spent 26% of their total expenditurecost on other goods and servicesfor different service and goods which was three percentage points lower than Japan’s share3% lower than that of Japan. In summary, shelter, food and other goods and servicesdifferent commodities and service accounted for mostdrained a lion share of Malaysian household expenditurea Malaysian’s earning while Japanese people spent more on products and service, foods, transport and housing in 2010. Finally, Japanese people had to spend more on health care than Malaysian households didmore on medical services than that of Malaysians.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response covers every spending category and makes several useful, accurate cross-country comparisons, especially for transport, health care and other goods and services. However, it incorrectly identifies food as Malaysia’s largest expense and later claims Japan spent more on food and housing, contradicting the charts. Prioritise an accurate overview of the dominant categories and check each comparative claim against the figures before writing the summary.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Most categories and figures are covered, but key statements about Malaysia’s largest category and Japan’s food and housing expenditure are inaccurate.
Make the overview state that other goods and services led in Japan while housing led in Malaysia, then verify every comparison against the percentages.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report progresses through relevant comparisons and uses linking phrases, although the single-paragraph presentation and repetitive signposting make cohesion somewhat mechanical.
Use a distinct overview and group the detail paragraphs by categories where Malaysia spent more and those where Japan spent more.
Lexical Resource
The response uses varied expenditure vocabulary, but awkward collocations such as “demanded exactly the double cost” and “drained 6% money” reduce precision.
Prefer natural quantitative phrases such as “was twice as high,” “accounted for 6%,” and “spending on goods and services.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex comparison structures are attempted and meaning remains clear, but errors in articles, comparison forms, agreement, and countability occur repeatedly.
Practise controlled comparative constructions, especially “twice as much as,” and check singular and plural forms such as goods, services, and Malaysians.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The pie charts below describe average household expenditures by major categories in Japan and Malaysia in 2010.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.