The chart below shows information about Heart Attacks by Ages and Genders in the USA.
Sample Response
The presented chart compares the number of people having heart attacks per year in the USA with respect to their age groups and genders. As is observed from the chart, the tendency of males to have a heart attack is higher than that of females in all age groups. It is apparent that the young age group which involves people aged from 29 to 44 has the lowest rate of heart attacks per year in the USA. On average, 123 thousand men and 3 thousand women have heart attacks every year. However, the middle age group which consists of people aged between 45 and 64 has a significantly higher possibility to have a heart attack. 424 thousand males, on average, have heart attacks every year. On the contrary women’s heart attack incidents are recorded as on 136 thousand per year from the same age group of Americans. The oldest age group constitutes the highest rates of heart attacks. Heart attacks among males are averaged as 440 thousand whereas female hear attacks are 374 thousand per year. Unlike the other age groups, the gap between male and female are largely covered in this age group. In conclusion, as people get older the risk of having heart attack increases, however in young ages men are more prone to a have a heart attack than of women.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise verb Original: having Suggested revision: experiencing Why it matters: Experience is the more natural verb for reporting medical events.
- 2. Condense comparison basis Original: with respect to their age groups and genders Suggested revision: by age group and gender Why it matters: The concise phrase states the chart dimensions directly.
- 3. Improve group description Original: young age group which involves Suggested revision: youngest age group, which comprises Why it matters: Comprises is the natural verb for describing the people included in a category.
- 4. Simplify age range Original: aged from 29 to 44 Suggested revision: aged 29 to 44 Why it matters: From is unnecessary after aged when stating a range.
- 5. Report counts accurately Original: rate Suggested revision: number Why it matters: The chart presents annual totals in thousands, not rates.
- 6. Improve category phrase Original: middle age group which consists of Suggested revision: middle age group, which comprises Why it matters: This phrasing describes the composition of the group more naturally.
- 7. Avoid unsupported probability Original: a significantly higher possibility to have a heart attack Suggested revision: a significantly higher number of heart attacks Why it matters: The chart shows counts and provides no population data from which probability can be calculated.
- 8. Use concise figure style Original: 424 thousand males Suggested revision: 424,000 men Why it matters: This form reports the number naturally and avoids the clinical label males as a noun.
- 9. Use comparison linker Original: On the contrary Suggested revision: By comparison Why it matters: The women's figure differs in degree rather than contradicting the preceding statement.
- 10. Use natural expression Original: women’s heart attack incidents Suggested revision: heart attacks among women Why it matters: This is the standard phrasing for reporting the event count within a group.
- 11. Fix number construction Original: recorded as on 136 thousand Suggested revision: recorded at 136,000 Why it matters: Recorded at is the correct construction for stating a value.
- 12. Fix group reference Original: from the same age group of Americans Suggested revision: in the same age group Why it matters: This concise prepositional phrase identifies the category clearly.
Suggested Rewrites
- having experiencing
- with respect to their age groups and genders by age group and gender
- young age group which involves youngest age group, which comprises
- aged from 29 to 44 aged 29 to 44
- rate number
- middle age group which consists of middle age group, which comprises
Why this response received Band 7.0
The report accurately presents every age-and-gender figure and clearly captures the two main patterns: heart-attack totals rise with age, while the gender gap narrows sharply in the oldest group. Its strongest content is therefore comprehensive and well selected, but awkward collocations and recurring grammatical errors reduce clarity; prioritise natural language for rates and comparisons and edit agreement, articles, and comparison structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
All six figures are reported accurately, and the response clearly highlights both the age-related rise and the narrowing gender difference.
Refine the overview by stating directly that men remain higher in every group while the difference becomes much smaller at age 65 and above.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report progresses logically through the three age groups and uses clear contrasts, but presenting the entire response in one paragraph weakens organisation.
Separate the overview from two detail paragraphs, grouping the younger groups before contrasting them with the oldest group.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonable range of comparison vocabulary, but several collocations are unnatural, including “higher possibility,” “averaged as,” and “gap ... covered.”
Use precise chart language such as “higher incidence,” “stood at,” and “the gap narrowed.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences communicates the data, but agreement, article, comparison, and word-form errors occur repeatedly.
Proofread structures such as “the gap is smaller,” “prone to having a heart attack,” and “than women.”
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart below shows information about Heart Attacks by Ages and Genders in the USA.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.